all i needed was a call that never came.

I have been spacing out every now and again but I have no solid explanation as to why it's happening. The most plausible conclusion I made for it was because I've been thinking too much again. I feel like I think so much that I just don't even realize I'm thinking, that I don't even know what I'm thinking about anymore.

Things are happening too fast again. It's as if the whole world's spinning faster than normal. Maybe it's just me being sleepy. Let's experiment: I'll sleep now, and wake up again at around 3AM and see if I feel any different. Aaaand.. Out.

---

It's 3.45AM. I feel even worse. This really puts things into perspective. Never think in the middle of the night half conscious and half aware of anything around you.

Then again, I guess this mood/feeling is better than anything else during the day. It's so quiet and peaceful, inside and outside. As if every problem in the world stopped and everyone's all happy and in sync with everything else. Either this is just me thinking in a very introverted way, or I'm just really nocturnal. To put it correctly, maybe everyone's already in sync with everything else and it's just me who's really out of sync here.

All this ranting is making me feel hungry too. Mmmm.. Food. My most favorite food in the whole world is macaroni and chees- Oops, sorry I went out of topic there. Really though, it's my most favorite food in the whole wo- Okay, I'll stop now.

The best thing to describe this mood/feeling is 'tired'. I had a post about this feeling before and I described it as 'something missing'. Yes, maybe I'm just lonely. Or depressed or some shit. Whatever, don't judge me. I'm only human and I'm sure you are too. We all feel a little fucked up sometimes.

To wrap this up, it's a kind of tired that sleep can't fix.

strangers.

"If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders."

I was lurking around tumblr like I usually did and I stumbled upon a photo that said that. It's been said that no matter what confusion or disagreement you may have between your heart and your mind, in the end the heart always follows the mind. Then I thought, "where is my heart right now?" and funnily enough, it was in my body pumping blood to cir- okay, just kidding. I did actually think of that though.

In my opinion, your heart is never usually with you. Have you ever noticed that every time someone mentions "your heart", your mind wanders to a certain somebody in an instant? It's either that or it wanders to the deepest pool of your desires. That's when you truly know you really want that something... Or you're just really fucking confused and insecure with your life not knowing what you really want yet. *hollow laughter*

Well, I know what I want. I've this itch to talk about what I want anyway, so let's roll with this post. I WANT... food right now. I just can't be fucked to get up and get some in the kitchen right n- okay, okay. In all seriousness, I want to make it BIG, to go sky high. Like, to infinity and beyond.

I've always wanted to be a kick-ass famous musician. I want to be that someone standing in front of thousands, wait no, to hell with that... MILLIONS chanting my name, playing a #1 single with MY band, with pyrotechnics going off in key moments of our performance, sweat and tears running through everybody's system, fog and those bright lights. The bright lights pointing to infinity and beyond.

"... That's so Bon Jovi."

HAHA. Hey, it's a dream I'm willing to go to any lengths for. A guy can dream, can't he? That's what I want, and getting there is in the palm of my hands... Just like how everything is in your hands when it comes to getting to your desires, too.

Fun fact: I want to get a tattoo that goes under my collar bone, or maybe on my forearm. I want it to say: ad infinitum. Now, that is awesome.

Okay, this post has gotten out of hand. It went from a tumblr post, to the heart, to what I want, to tattoos. This is madness.