fallin' apart for fallin' together.

It's damn near 3AM, and I'm nowhere near close to sleepy. I'm contemplating whether or not to sleep because quite frankly, I can't be fucked to sleep in the first place. In the wee hours of the morning, I am celebrating my 17th birthday in the presence of my laptop, a fan and Mr. Stache. I suddenly got in the mood for a short post, so here we are.

Who knows just how crazy it'll be in the morning given that it is my birthday. I wonder what'll be up and happenin' and all. I intended to go boxing tomorrow, but since I already did today I'm just too damn lazy to go again the following day itself.

Here's what I learned today: Even the greatest things can fall apart. There is just as much chance for the greatest things to fall apart just as there is as much chance for the greatest things to fall together. If life were a coin, it'd be 50-50 so to speak. If there was a 50-50 chance for you to get your dreams in your grasp while at the same time a chance for you to fuck your life up forever, would you take that risk? Would you give yourself a chance to make or break it by hook or by crook?

Most will say they will, but when it comes down to the very moment itself, most just plain chicken out. Some take the greatest things for granted. For example, you've always dreamed of being a ROCKSTAR! The moment you become one, get famous and fulfill the ambition, most would end up thinking: "Can this get better or is this all that there is?" Well, that's a shitty mindset to be honest.

Some people just don't know what they've really got, just how special and valuable it is and all that... Until it's all gone. Do not ever take shit for granted, always be damn sure because who knows just what you could hurt, what you could lose, what you could destroy at the end of your shallowness. Once you get what you want, enjoy it. Cherish it. Fulfill it. Use it to its every capability. If you feel like the love you've got for it is lessening, do whatever it takes to remind yourself, to keep yourself going, because just because you've already gotten what you want doesn't mean that's the end of it. It's just the beginning.

If you can't handle that, then you never really wanted it as much as you thought you did when it comes right down to it. You just haven't got the balls to handle it. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE AWESOMENESS. Shit. Just think of that once you screw up and take something for granted why don't you? Karma's gonna bite your ass. Oh well, lesson learned reader. Impassioned post isn't it?

strangers.

"If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders."

I was lurking around tumblr like I usually did and I stumbled upon a photo that said that. It's been said that no matter what confusion or disagreement you may have between your heart and your mind, in the end the heart always follows the mind. Then I thought, "where is my heart right now?" and funnily enough, it was in my body pumping blood to cir- okay, just kidding. I did actually think of that though.

In my opinion, your heart is never usually with you. Have you ever noticed that every time someone mentions "your heart", your mind wanders to a certain somebody in an instant? It's either that or it wanders to the deepest pool of your desires. That's when you truly know you really want that something... Or you're just really fucking confused and insecure with your life not knowing what you really want yet. *hollow laughter*

Well, I know what I want. I've this itch to talk about what I want anyway, so let's roll with this post. I WANT... food right now. I just can't be fucked to get up and get some in the kitchen right n- okay, okay. In all seriousness, I want to make it BIG, to go sky high. Like, to infinity and beyond.

I've always wanted to be a kick-ass famous musician. I want to be that someone standing in front of thousands, wait no, to hell with that... MILLIONS chanting my name, playing a #1 single with MY band, with pyrotechnics going off in key moments of our performance, sweat and tears running through everybody's system, fog and those bright lights. The bright lights pointing to infinity and beyond.

"... That's so Bon Jovi."

HAHA. Hey, it's a dream I'm willing to go to any lengths for. A guy can dream, can't he? That's what I want, and getting there is in the palm of my hands... Just like how everything is in your hands when it comes to getting to your desires, too.

Fun fact: I want to get a tattoo that goes under my collar bone, or maybe on my forearm. I want it to say: ad infinitum. Now, that is awesome.

Okay, this post has gotten out of hand. It went from a tumblr post, to the heart, to what I want, to tattoos. This is madness.

we'll be a dream.

hope

1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

2. To look forward to with confidence or expectation.

3. To expect and desire.

4. A source of mental strength and belief.

I started my day with a plan. I intended to go to a place, for some peace and quiet, a bit of studying, a little leisure and enjoyment at most. A certain someone in my life decided she wanted to come along too. I was told we'd leave right after she finished her workload. An hour of sweat, patience and work later, she finished. Oh, it didn't end there, instead she decided to take some time to do what she wanted, not thinking that there was someone waiting for her.

Ticked off and full of disappointment, I stormed off alone. A few minutes later, I received a text from her asking where I was. The patient and forgiving bastard that I am decided to tell her and wait for her to show up anyway. Of course, I gave her a piece of my mind telling her off for what she did (Don't say you're showing up for something if you don't intend to in the first place or aren't sure to make it anyway because anything can change in the very last minute. You can end up disappointing and hurting people), but I'm just a little too fucking nice for some stupid reason. Another hour or two of waiting later (I'm too pissed off to be sure), she still doesn't show up so I leave my waiting spot to eat and explore. 4 places later, she pops up. She drags me along with her to do her errands. Well whoop-di-fucking-do.

Before that I asked where she wanted to go, trying to be polite. I was given the idea that after all these errands, I'd finally be able to follow through with my plan. Right before she'd finish her workload, again, I sat in a shop and waited. To make sure I'd know how long she took, I looked at the time. 5:45PM. Cool, right? Yeah, well I left the shop at 7:30PM. Alone. She never showed up. No text, nothing.

Hell, I would have been fine with it actually, but did I get a rain check? Did I get a reconfirmation? No, not a word. I was a sitting idiot waiting for nearly 2 hours (This just proves how Taureans are the most patient of the Zodiac) AGAIN. She could have texted half an hour later or something saying she just couldn't make it, or how something came up or at least gave the decency to say she changed her mind.

The best bit of my long day? Right after I stormed off to eat dinner, I received a text from said person to come home and do my chores. Pissed off and hungry as it is (Not to mention I didn't even manage to follow through with my plan), I replied NICELY that I was just going to eat dinner. She assumed I just didn't want to eat dinner at home. No, wrong. I already had an order coming up that was paid for. Aside from that, it was a plan set in stone for me to eat out since the very beginning of the day. The moment I got home, I got bombarded with a lecture about dinner, being inconsiderate and uninformative and my chores being incomplete for two days already. Okay so it's my fault that I didn't do my chores, and it's my fault for not telling them my plans in the first place (Just for the record, everyone in the household was asleep and I just thought she'd be thoughtful enough to mention my plans to someone of authority at home which she knew clearly, though I could've texted too and told someone. Damn it, scratch that then).

Lesson learned. I can't blame the person though, it'll be pointless and doing that won't get anywhere. It was my stupidity and idiocy alone that decided what I decided and followed through with something that wasn't likely to happen in the first place. Now, I'm just so pissed off with myself for being so stupid. This could all have been avoided, but I didn't think it through. I was just too busy hoping, blinded.

It just hurts, y'know? That wasn't nice at all. Not for me, at least.

Today, I learned that I should really think my plans through and tell someone about it before I act. I learned that I shouldn't hope too big, it'll save me the disappointment and getting hurt in the end. Most of all, I learned that I should know my limits; to know when enough is enough. Oh I don't know, what do you think, reader? Wait, don't answer that, I'd only be looking for approval. I hope you learned something here, this was first-hand experience.

PS: To said person, if you somehow end up reading this: Thank you for the long and memorable day, I learned a lot today. Don't bother apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong, I guess.

Before I end this post, I'd just like to say We The Kings' Smile Kid album isn't so bad, but it isn't anywhere near good either. They could've done better.

sleeping with reality.

I swear nobody gets up for work at 5AM on a Sunday unless they've got an event to be at or something. I guess it's just me. I don't know why, but sleeping has never really been an issue for me. I consider it a privilege instead of a need.

I've been the type to not be able to sleep until about 2AM due to a caffeine rush. Then again, I never really did mind because I could just lie here and stare at the ceiling for hours on end. Okay fine, maybe I mind... Just a little.

The sleeping is the easy part, it's the waking up that gets us all don't you think? Being able to escape to our own sanctuary to enjoy and kick back from reality and just float around in your imagination. Doing as you please being "lord and master" of your own little world in your head.

Then after all that silent bliss, you wake up feeling refreshed, happy and just plain care-free. Until of course, reality decides to drive a truck right fucking into your consciousness and you suddenly remember all the dilemmas and predicaments you have to deal with in this black and white world.

That's when you just feel weak, numb, or far too lazy to get up. You just want to stay in that little notion of what reality should be like, that fancy little piece of infinity you have etched in your mind, but reality always wins.

And that's life, that's how it is and that's just the way things are. No matter how hard you drive, the truck of reality will always run you over, and we just have to accept it. Living in denial just means you're heading towards an inevitable car crash against reality.

Nobody wants to be a wreck. Take things as they come, it won't hurt. Accepting the facts means you just might be able to do something about it. Don't succumb to the negativity creeping around life, because no problem is permanent, there will always be a solution.

Get up, go out, live. That little fantasy in your head can be a reality, all you've got to do is dream big and go for it. With your dreams, not even the sky is the limit, so it's up to you to make your dreams happen.

And to think, all this came from a good night's sleep? Huh.