not an answer to be heard.

---

I haven't been blogging, I know. I'd much rather be asleep right now, but I'm starting to think that'd be a waste of time now that I've suddenly got an urge to just type and type whatever comes to mind as I type. It's also been a while since I've been hit with inspiration but life's being doing just fine without it. I've been losing the motivation to go to school. Hell, I'm even starting to think that's a good thing. With all the corruption surrounding the Philippines, I'm much better off at home. Oh God, I miss home.

There are so many places I could call home, but there's only one place I could actually consider home. It's still far too difficult to refer to it as home like it's always been but it's always been one to me whether or not I consider it as one.

I miss the purple buses I know like the back of my hand, going around the country that would be impossible for me to get lost in. I miss staying up all night and sleeping all day, being sugar high on rainy days and caffeine high on sunny days. I miss the fresh air from the many trees around the city, the food and delicacies prepared in a way you'd never find anywhere else in the world, the peace and sense of boredom you'd only find in Brunei.

This is where the photo above comes in.

"Think about what happened a year ago today. You probably can't even remember. Everything that seems important now won't be anymore."

I've never really thought about it much until now, but my priorities have changed completely and it's true. What used to be so important isn't the slightest bit significant to me now. I'm trying to recall what used to be so important to me but I just can't seem to. Most of them seem to have just been erased with only small traces left behind, while there are some that are still insignificantly etched in my mind. After hours of contemplating, I think I've got it... Or at least some of what it used to be.

I think it'd be far too personal for me to mention what used to be important and what's important to me now, but I'd be happy to mention one very big aspect of the things I've considered important: My friends.

Most of the people I considered important 12 months ago aren't the same people I consider important now. I'm sorry if it offends anybody, but that's just how things are. Things change so much it hurts to realize things like this. You can never be content with what you've got and before you know it, what you've got is completely different from what you used to have.

I hate disappointing anybody, but sometimes it takes a whole lot of effort to stay in someone's life. People will come and go, fall in and out of our lives and all we can do is accept it. Be grateful for the ones you've got while they're still there, because you never know when they won't be around anymore. You can't expect to stay in someone's life effortlessly. Regardless of that, it's been said that if someone leaves your life, it only means their chapter is over... That it's time for a new one.

Some people know that all too well, but most can't help but expect to stay important. Expectations only lead to disappointment, so don't be surprised if you're disappointed by your expectations because of the lack of effort. We're all lazy in general, so effort actually shows a hint of what's important to us. Now, if we're not important to someone, why should they? That pretty much explains it.

the attraction? i dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.

I'm leaving a ladder full of reasons

Along with a line that starts to blur

Into a page that says you faded away too young.

- Go Radio.

I thought I'd be well over the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks. I thought I'd be even stronger by now. I thought I would know better and forget about all the mistakes and wrong assumptions, all the reasons and problems I went through. Instead, here I am still dwelling on all the wasted time and effort, thinking of what could've been and what is real to me.

In a span of two weeks, I've learned that everybody is just a branch for you to learn about yourself more. That everybody is literally just another path that crossed yours. Most of all, I've learned that I don't need anybody or anything apart from me, myself and I to be happy. It sounds selfish, narcissistic and biased, but it is the truth. I mean, aren't we all?

Nobody owes nobody nothin'. You owe yourself.

- Rock Balboa (III)

I see things much clearer now than I did before. Knowing everything that I know now makes me feel so disgusted at who I was before. Who I am hates who I've been, just like the song, but like someone taught me, I should just be laughing at that. It's nothing anymore since the past has passed and that at least I know how much better I've changed now.

But just because I don't need anybody or anything to be happy apart from myself, it doesn't mean I can't have anybody or anything. Someone. Something. Maybe it's just me being lonely again. You can move heaven and hell to get what you want, but if what you want, your dreams and your hopes, includes another human being, it is just plain immoral. It's not right.

In other words, you can want all you want, you can have anything you want, but you can't have everything, and you sure as hell can't make someone do the same. Do as you please, but just you. Don't include anybody else.

---

Found this in google a while ago.

I'm an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love.

love is like an ocean,

it goes down so deep.

love is like a rose,

whose beauty you want to keep.

love is like a river,

that will never end.

love is like a dove,

with a beautiful message to send.

love is like a song,

that goes on and on forever.

my love is like a prisoner,

it's to you that I surrender.

I miss you, having you around to talk to, have you around to laugh with. Most of all, I miss just being with you. Where has all this gone?