take me back to the sleepless nights, the stupid fights.

"Just don't forget this, we won't regret this. We've got one chance to get it right."

- The Maine (We All Roll Along)

It's already June 14th, time flies so fucking fast now doesn't it? It's as if it was only yesterday that... Yeah. One can only look back so many times to the days that have passed. An important somebody once told me that frustration is a feeling where you can't accept the fact that you weren't able to do something. You end up annoyed or angry, somewhere along those lines.

I know I said I've lost my frustration already, but I don't think that was very accurate. I think I only meant to say that my frustration disappeared during those moments. I have to figure out what's frustrating my ass. Truth be told, I already know what's frustrating me, I just don't want to admit it. I just don't want to face that.

I'm going to settle my business with school tomorrow so that maybe, hopefully I can start school by next week. I don't know what to expect with school here in the Philippines. I've been so used to the sleeping habit in Brunei that I'm afraid I might just do the same here. I'd walk in, go to my desk, drop my things and sleep. When a teacher shows up, get up to greet, sit and stare and somehow fall asleep after a bit. Hardworking, no?

I'm not going to lie, I'm one hell of a lazy ass, but when it comes right down to it I really do try my best to study and all... but only when I feel like it. That feeling comes rarely, but I've always managed to get good grades even if I am like that. At least I think so! I don't think anything they teach in school is necessary for me to survive reality, but knowledge is always welcome to enter my head, useful to me or not.

Anyway, going back to topic: Yes, I don't know what to expect. I'm pretty sure school life here is different in every aspect compared to school in Brunei. What's even more different is that this isn't high school anymore. I cannot imagine what the classrooms will be like, the lectures, the classmates, pretty much everything. Being a pessimist, I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst. *grin*

Only time will tell what our future holds. What exactly we're destined to do, and all that pizazz. Yeah, only time will tell, but nobody else in the world can shape my future except for me.

The fate of my future is in the balance! I must no- okay, no.

fear is adorable.

I do whatever it takes

When I'm with you I get the shakes

My body aches when I ain't

With you I have zero strength

There's no limit on how far I would go

No boundaries, no lengths

Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks

Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same?

You want them when they don't want you

Soon as they do feelings change

It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate

I wasn't looking but I stumbled onto you must've been fate

But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take

Let's cut to the chase

But a door shuts in your face

Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open

That I won't be making a mistake

Eminem is a genius.

It's no contest or conquest. It's fate.

---

I know a couple of people in the world who think they're weak, who hold themselves back with fear. I like to think I'm not one of those people anymore, but it comes and goes sometimes. They have things they want to do, things they want to say, but they can't because they're too weak, they're not brave enough, they're afraid of getting hurt, rejected, denied. Or so they think.

Fear is a teacher, so I've learned. Whenever you let it get into your head, it only means you refuse to learn. That's what fear does, it scares you, it's fear after all isn't it? I keep telling myself: If it can't hurt you physically, then it can't kill you. So what is there to be afraid of?

Some say, "but if it doesn't go well, everything will end up awkward, and I'll die of embarrassment! I'll be so depressed and hate myself and it's..." Shut up. Really. Grow the fuck up. So what? If you're sad, then you are. If you're embarrassed, then you are. What does not doing what you want to do have to do with that?

To every action, there is always an equal and opposite reaction. It's the law. Isaac Newton's law (Hey, we have the same name!). Don't be a pussy, deal with the consequences. If it hurts, then it does. Get over it, move on. End of story!

Yes, it's easier said than done, but will you get anywhere just wallowing in fear being a vanilla? Just because there'll be negative reactions in your every action doesn't mean there won't be anything positive with it too.

So you want to learn to ride a bike; you'll fall down and get hurt trying to learn, but you'll learn eventually if you keep trying. You want to confess your undying love for someone but there's a chance you'll be hurt and rejected. So what? The chances of that happening are just as much as the chances of that NOT happening.

Take that extra step. Your decision on whether or not you do something could be the decision on whether or not you'll be happy.

Push yourself, Pull through with it, and just like that great Nike innuendo, "Just Do It." So what's stopping you now? Get out there and do what you want to do, say what you want to say, feel what you want to feel, deal with whatever happens after and move on.

No pain, no gain?