take me back to the sleepless nights, the stupid fights.

"Just don't forget this, we won't regret this. We've got one chance to get it right."

- The Maine (We All Roll Along)

It's already June 14th, time flies so fucking fast now doesn't it? It's as if it was only yesterday that... Yeah. One can only look back so many times to the days that have passed. An important somebody once told me that frustration is a feeling where you can't accept the fact that you weren't able to do something. You end up annoyed or angry, somewhere along those lines.

I know I said I've lost my frustration already, but I don't think that was very accurate. I think I only meant to say that my frustration disappeared during those moments. I have to figure out what's frustrating my ass. Truth be told, I already know what's frustrating me, I just don't want to admit it. I just don't want to face that.

I'm going to settle my business with school tomorrow so that maybe, hopefully I can start school by next week. I don't know what to expect with school here in the Philippines. I've been so used to the sleeping habit in Brunei that I'm afraid I might just do the same here. I'd walk in, go to my desk, drop my things and sleep. When a teacher shows up, get up to greet, sit and stare and somehow fall asleep after a bit. Hardworking, no?

I'm not going to lie, I'm one hell of a lazy ass, but when it comes right down to it I really do try my best to study and all... but only when I feel like it. That feeling comes rarely, but I've always managed to get good grades even if I am like that. At least I think so! I don't think anything they teach in school is necessary for me to survive reality, but knowledge is always welcome to enter my head, useful to me or not.

Anyway, going back to topic: Yes, I don't know what to expect. I'm pretty sure school life here is different in every aspect compared to school in Brunei. What's even more different is that this isn't high school anymore. I cannot imagine what the classrooms will be like, the lectures, the classmates, pretty much everything. Being a pessimist, I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst. *grin*

Only time will tell what our future holds. What exactly we're destined to do, and all that pizazz. Yeah, only time will tell, but nobody else in the world can shape my future except for me.

The fate of my future is in the balance! I must no- okay, no.

half of my heart won't do.

I've never looked at myself as someone who would end up being a great father. Just today, I thought of what it would be like for me to have one of my own, how I would be and how I'd do. Just a little daydream, nothing specific whatsoever. I came to a conclusion that I wouldn't be a very good one. Why? I get irritated easily.

I have so many bad habits, therefore making me one hell of a bad influence to the young ones. Not only that, my image of a father would be someone strong and fearless and yadda yadda. Hell, just recently a cockroach crawled up my leg in the dark. I screamed my head off and ran out the room. I had my aunt flip my room upside down until it was killed and removed because I couldn't do it myself. She was pretty annoyed at my balls, I on the other hand am still shuddering.

Yes, manly I know. How can I protect my own children from the evils of this world!? COCKROACHES?! Of course I can't really be sure. I guess I'll have to wait until I settle down to find out then. That's going to be a loooooooong time from now. The thought of it was hilarious though. Me, a father. HAH.

---

Today was one of a kind. Instead of being online at 2AM like I said in my last post, I woke up at 5AM to the sound of rain (My bad, the alarm didn't wake me up). It wasn't that loud, but for a heavy sleeper like me, it managed to wake me up. I spent most of the morning doing absolutely nothing while everyone in the house cooked and cleaned pretty much everything. Again. A clean house is clean.

At about 2PM, I gave up doing absolutely doing and decided to go boxing (I ran an errand before I went). It was still raining so I walked to the gym in a jacket and all. I looked like a kid trying to run away from home with all my mismatched clothes (the jacket didn't go with the boxing outfit for the day, and it was cold so... Yeah). I reached the gym soaking wet only to find out that the gym was freezing cold due to the rain. There was hardly any people as usual, which meant I could hog the whole gym.

After 3 hours of sweating (I dried up pretty fast with the cold, it made me fatigued and pissed off), I decided to give up on such a pointless attempt to train and just take a hot shower before heading home. I got home wet, furious at the fact that it cost the damn tricycle 40 pesos just to get me home. Hell, I wouldn't have taken one if it wasn't raining cats and dogs! ... But rain is good. Really good. I like the rain.

After going through with the usual house routine, here I am. It's still raining and it's gotten even worse. I guess that storm warning they gave us was a little too early now wasn't it? Well screw that, I'm enjoying the night online in my room bumming around with a blue electric fan I named Pablo and my guitar whom I have yet to name. Either I've already named my guitar and just completely forgot, or I really haven't named him yet.

It's been a while since I've felt this cold in the Philippines. The only time this ever happens is when I go out bus tripping or hang out with me, myself and I at a cinema or something. Yes sad I know, but it gets me by just fine so no complaints from me.

I'm going to catch up on some sleep and wake up again later or something. I've got this horrible sleeping habit I can't shake off and I'm in the mood to just vent. There are just some things I can't talk about here though. There are things I consider too personal or just too stupid to say to even bother posting here so I'll put up vague hints in each of my posts just to see if anyone cares enough to notice.

Sometimes, I wonder if you're still alive. Logic tells me that there are so many ways to communicate with others that I would have heard from you by now if I even meant something to you. It's either that or faith. Faith tells me otherwise.

Fuck logic, I'm going with faith.