while the image of you shatters and fades away, i still scramble to pick up the pieces.

There's roughly 7 billion people in the world. Roughly 3.5 billion of that are the women. There are so many women... So many different kinds of women. No, I don't wanna talk about all 3.5 billion of them, I just want to talk about ones I've seen or met from my point of view. Don't judge me from what I'm about to talk about, I know I'm bashing on some women and I sure as hell know not all of you are like this, but hey, you wouldn't be offended if you weren't one of them.

I've gotten to know quite a number of women in school in the very short time I've been there. I'm not naming fingers or pointing names, I'm just speaking in general that some girls are... well, evil in a way. Some girls are like bad habits. In tagalog, we call it 'bisyo'. Like smoking or drinking, they'll give you satisfaction, they'll make you feel good... But in the long run, they'll trip you up, they'll steer you wrong, and they will hurt you bad. Worst of all, you just can't help but keep coming back 'cause they make you feel good, 'cause you think you're happy and satisfied.. 'cause you're addicted.

These kinds of women, stay VERY far away from them. They're just going to use you, take advantage of you, and when they're done using the hell out of you, they're just going to disappear and forget you even exist. They are not going to feel bad about it, because they get what they wanted out of you,so it's a lose-lose situation for us men. Now, seeing just how many women are like this in school just scares me. You can trust no one but yourself when it comes down to who you're friends with, so pick your friends... And choose wisely.

There are other kinds of girls too. Some of them are quiet, kind, mysterious... But most of the time just plain clueless. There are some who are loud, obnoxious, and attention seeking... but all that aside they're just really dim. There are also those who are in every aspect nice to you... until you have your back turned. Some who just plain look down on you, some who just think they're far better than anyone else, some who just always need to be in the spotlight, some who just gossip till their asses fall off, some who have no asses, some who are not even worth talking to because of their bitch attitude.

This is the worst aspect you could possibly see in a woman, and not all of them are like that, but hell, there are only a handful who aren't. When you get one who isn't... Well, evil in general, don't let her go, because they're the ones who are just worth your time be it friend, special someone or family. The point of this post is that no matter how horrible you think someone is, be nice anyway... Just be on guard, and don't let them take advantage of you. There is never a good reason to be bad, nor is there ever a good reason to not be nice to someone.

Now with all this on women, I wouldn't say men are any different. We're all just as bad as everyone is, not one of us here is 'clean'. Not anymore.

---

I've gotten out of shape, mainly because I've been sick for weeks now, and it only got worse a couple of days ago. I want so badly to get back to boxing, but I can't until I get rid of the sickness. I don't get sick easily, I'm pretty sure of that... But when I do get sick, it's pretty bad most of the time. As of right now, I've gotten better, but the headache's still there. Aside from that, I've been doing better than usual everywhere else over the last couple of weeks. A little complacency would be nice, but I just don't feel anywhere near satisfied yet.

we were just kids in love.

My first day as a college freshman starts in about 3 days. Oh man, I'm going to miss being a bum. It's actually a good thing that I won't be bumming around anymore though. It's time I started doing something productive for myself after being a genuine bum for the last 6 months. Just imagine, 6 months. Bumming around the Philippines. Just where has all the time gone?

As much as I'm going to miss bumming, I've got to start adjusting to my schedule, routines and all that starting tomorrow at least. I've got half my uniforms (Well, the pants are XL sized and they still don't fit me. Now because of that, Lola thinks the people who study there are probably pygmies) and no books or anything school related whatsoever. I just don't know how I'm going to get through the first day. I don't care though, it's just that I hate awkwardness. It disturbs me.

Aside from settling most of my business with school, I went out to have one last she-bang before I start school. I went to ATC to watch Super 8, and get a cake from DQ using gift certificates. The movie was pretty good, I enjoyed it. There were those really funny scenes, good actions sequences along with some tear jerkers. It just wasn't enough to "move" me though. Before the movie started, I looked like a complete slob having a bag of popcorn so big I had to hug it with one arm to carry it around, and a HUGE cup of iced tea bigger than my forearm.

Life's been good to me the last couple of days. Better than usual actually. That may be so but I'm taking things one step at a time, nobody's chasing me so I've no reason to rush. A new chapter of my life starts soon, I wonder what's in store..

take me back to the sleepless nights, the stupid fights.

"Just don't forget this, we won't regret this. We've got one chance to get it right."

- The Maine (We All Roll Along)

It's already June 14th, time flies so fucking fast now doesn't it? It's as if it was only yesterday that... Yeah. One can only look back so many times to the days that have passed. An important somebody once told me that frustration is a feeling where you can't accept the fact that you weren't able to do something. You end up annoyed or angry, somewhere along those lines.

I know I said I've lost my frustration already, but I don't think that was very accurate. I think I only meant to say that my frustration disappeared during those moments. I have to figure out what's frustrating my ass. Truth be told, I already know what's frustrating me, I just don't want to admit it. I just don't want to face that.

I'm going to settle my business with school tomorrow so that maybe, hopefully I can start school by next week. I don't know what to expect with school here in the Philippines. I've been so used to the sleeping habit in Brunei that I'm afraid I might just do the same here. I'd walk in, go to my desk, drop my things and sleep. When a teacher shows up, get up to greet, sit and stare and somehow fall asleep after a bit. Hardworking, no?

I'm not going to lie, I'm one hell of a lazy ass, but when it comes right down to it I really do try my best to study and all... but only when I feel like it. That feeling comes rarely, but I've always managed to get good grades even if I am like that. At least I think so! I don't think anything they teach in school is necessary for me to survive reality, but knowledge is always welcome to enter my head, useful to me or not.

Anyway, going back to topic: Yes, I don't know what to expect. I'm pretty sure school life here is different in every aspect compared to school in Brunei. What's even more different is that this isn't high school anymore. I cannot imagine what the classrooms will be like, the lectures, the classmates, pretty much everything. Being a pessimist, I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst. *grin*

Only time will tell what our future holds. What exactly we're destined to do, and all that pizazz. Yeah, only time will tell, but nobody else in the world can shape my future except for me.

The fate of my future is in the balance! I must no- okay, no.

you'd help me out of the dark.

It's been a while since I've last blogged. A lot of things have changed nowadays. Inside, outside, and everything in between. I flunked my exams, the one that was supposed to finally get me into college and not repeat senior year a third fuckin' time. Seriously. Third time's the charm I guess? If you're wondering what the results were, here they are:

English / Filipino / Social Studies / Maths / Science
1 100 100 86 100 100
2 91 100 93 100 100
3 95 70 89 100 87

Okay, before I explain this, DO NOT ASK how I got everything in Math perfect. I do not know, it might probably just be a god damn miracle because I know I just tried my luck and picked the most plausible answer on the list without even doing the calculations.

Anyway, those are what I got out of those 600 fucking questions they made me answer within 10 hours. It was hell, I tell you. They all criticized and told me off on my decision of taking the exam despite my odds of passing in the first place. Aside from the fact that there were 600 questions, being a foreigner in my own country, and the argument on my condition, I took the exam anyway.

As you can see, I did pretty fucking well in my opinion. I've never, ever had social studies as a subject in Brunei, nor did I ever take formal lessons on Filipino. A divine miracle happened and I did not get a single mistake in Math, English went by just fine, and Science was not something I expected to get high in being the "Absent or Asleep" student that I was back in Brunei.

But I still did not pass the exam. Why? I got 70 for Filipino, on the very last set of questions. According to Filipino education, I need to have scored at least 75 and above for each and everyone of them. Just because I got everything perfect on the last two sets does not mean I'm exempted from that rule. So, long story short: If I got above 75, I'd be able to get into college.

But I didn't. So one measly flunk meant that I flunked the whole thing. Sigh. Do I at least get an A for effort? Too late, I'm sure.

***

On a brighter note, I've learned and picked up quite a few things about myself and other things over the last couple of days. I learned (or relearned. I probably forgot some as time passed):

1. I'm afraid of the dark, but I love the dark. It's soothing, subtle and romantic.
2. As much as I love boxing, nothing will beat the love I have for music, singing and guitars.
3. You can be rude, loud and obnoxious. You can be proud, and so on, but nothing describes you're strong more than being gentle. It takes a lot of strength to be gentle amidst all the dilemmas in the world. Lola taught me this.
4. I still have some traumas from the past I can't get over.
5. I still enjoy being very cheesy.

Nothing wraps up a night like a rant and some music to boot.