passive aggressive.

"Bad luck.. or just outright stupid?"

The phrase that's summed up the last couple of days. I'd say I'm disappointed, but I saw it coming. Now, people are going to judge you and hate you for who you are. They're either jealous of you, or just insecure of their little fucked up lives. I'd say both, but that'd be too nice. You see, there are people you see in the movies are just so despicable, so sick and nasty you would never have expected to actually meet someone like that in reality living, breathing, fucking other peoples' lives up.

Now I don't give a fuck if this is going to offend anybody, hell, I've got nothing to lose anymore. Again, you see, I've been screwed over. My first instinct was to land a left hook on the said person's face, but that wouldn't be politically correct. Then I thought: revenge is only going to get me temporary satisfaction, so why do that? Now if you're someone I know or just a random reader, you're probably wondering, "What the hell is up with this guy?". I don't give a damn what you feel *cough* sorry, just kidding. Anyway, all I want to do right now is speak my mind. So let us start!

As I was saying, I've been screwed over. I can't blame anyone for my misfortune though. I'd be getting nowhere if I were just sitting around playing the blame game. I could tell you everything I thought was true, but some people just wouldn't believe it. Either that, or they just wouldn't care. Why? Corruption, that's why! We've all got what we've got like one man's treasure is another man's trash. The question is whether you're grateful, or just taking it for granted.

I think I've taken some people for granted. More or less, they've done the same with me. However, deep inside I know how important someone can really be and I value each and everything I've gotten and possessed up until the point they've disappeared or left. Here's a little question for you: How much do you value someone?

If you really valued someone, they'd come before anything else. Before you believe what another person says about something you valued, you'd question the value itself first. Now, let's put that to a person's perspective. Here's a BIG question for you: If you were me, who would you believe first? A friend you barely know, or a friend who's been there for you through thick and thin? A friend you just met, or a friend you've known for a while? Now, I know what you're thinking. The righteous would say the second option, the idiotic would say the first. Then again, you wouldn't be questioning yourself on decisions like this if you really knew what you valued. Do you see where I'm coming from here? No? Let me elaborate.

I have my own opinion on things. I stand up for myself, and I stand up for what I believe in. It's up to you to believe it or not. Now, referring to a statement I made up there (I mentioned corruption), there will be people in the world who are just so foul they'd manipulate what you've said and turn it against you. The stupid thing would be that you'd actually believe it. Let's say you did. Now apply all this to the BIG question. Would you play into the manipulation, or have faith in what you valued?

Here's what we learned. Don't believe in words you didn't hear yourself. They lead to assumptions and wrong accusations. Most of all, know your right from wrong, be careful who you trust, and before you fall into traps like this, think of what you've got to lose. We all know what we've got, it's just that we all didn't think we'd lose it, that's why we take some things for granted. Those things we took for granted in the end? They could have been true, but you chose to believe the lie instead because you didn't stop and think. When you finally realize you've fucked up, it'll have been too late.

You're going to regret this.

keepsakes and memories.

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time."

- John Mayer

I was lying in bed one day reminiscing on the past, and what's been going on the last couple of weeks. It's been one hell of a party in my head the past couple of days.

I'm not the kind of person who can easily let go of people, keepsakes and other things that have meant a significant value to me in my life. Accepting the fact that I've lost something so dear and important, not to others, but at least to me and in my mind, is something really fucking painful to be honest. I don't really become interested in something easily, nor do I fall for some situations, people and whatsoever... But when I do, I fall pretty fuckin' hard.

When situations like this happen, that line from John Mayer's song comes to mind. One side of me wants to accept it and just move on from all the pain and tears I had to go through, while the other just wants to bear with it and hold on, even if holding on is under every circumstances wrong already. Pain is only temporary.

Stubborn: that's the word. No matter how wrong it is, how bad it will be in the long run, how painful and stupid it could get, I just cannot let some things go. Like I said, I'm not someone who gets attached to anything that easily. You must've done something really impressive if that happened. It's one of the reasons I'm afraid of getting too attached to someone/something, why I keep to myself so much.

I'd hate to admit it, but this is one of the reasons why I am so clingy, needy, overly protective and possessive. Aside from that, there's that habit of easily getting jealous over something. Hey, at least I give a damn, okay. It may not seem like it, but when someone or something becomes important to me, I want to make sure he/she is always happy, always safe and secure. I don't really show it, but I try my best even with just the littlest things to make sure they know that I love them. It's not much, but it's the best I could do. As far as generosity and kindness goes, that's what I do.

Going back to the topic, letting go is never easy. Reader, know better than me and always remember: Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. One side of me goes, "FUCK YES BETTER THINGS FOR ME!" while another just simply says, "why do my good things have to fall apart to become better?". Being blindly optimistic to my 'good things' I'd rather keep them as is than to have them fall apart for something better because I like to think they can be better without having to fall apart.

But you know the one thing I hate the most about letting go of something I've held on to dearly? It's knowing that once I let go, it'll be nothing but a distant memory of what had been and what could've been. Time wouldn't make a difference, be it short or long, real or fake, good or bad... It's the impact they made in your life that matters most of all.

... I'm lost. Back to square one.