passive aggressive.

"Bad luck.. or just outright stupid?"

The phrase that's summed up the last couple of days. I'd say I'm disappointed, but I saw it coming. Now, people are going to judge you and hate you for who you are. They're either jealous of you, or just insecure of their little fucked up lives. I'd say both, but that'd be too nice. You see, there are people you see in the movies are just so despicable, so sick and nasty you would never have expected to actually meet someone like that in reality living, breathing, fucking other peoples' lives up.

Now I don't give a fuck if this is going to offend anybody, hell, I've got nothing to lose anymore. Again, you see, I've been screwed over. My first instinct was to land a left hook on the said person's face, but that wouldn't be politically correct. Then I thought: revenge is only going to get me temporary satisfaction, so why do that? Now if you're someone I know or just a random reader, you're probably wondering, "What the hell is up with this guy?". I don't give a damn what you feel *cough* sorry, just kidding. Anyway, all I want to do right now is speak my mind. So let us start!

As I was saying, I've been screwed over. I can't blame anyone for my misfortune though. I'd be getting nowhere if I were just sitting around playing the blame game. I could tell you everything I thought was true, but some people just wouldn't believe it. Either that, or they just wouldn't care. Why? Corruption, that's why! We've all got what we've got like one man's treasure is another man's trash. The question is whether you're grateful, or just taking it for granted.

I think I've taken some people for granted. More or less, they've done the same with me. However, deep inside I know how important someone can really be and I value each and everything I've gotten and possessed up until the point they've disappeared or left. Here's a little question for you: How much do you value someone?

If you really valued someone, they'd come before anything else. Before you believe what another person says about something you valued, you'd question the value itself first. Now, let's put that to a person's perspective. Here's a BIG question for you: If you were me, who would you believe first? A friend you barely know, or a friend who's been there for you through thick and thin? A friend you just met, or a friend you've known for a while? Now, I know what you're thinking. The righteous would say the second option, the idiotic would say the first. Then again, you wouldn't be questioning yourself on decisions like this if you really knew what you valued. Do you see where I'm coming from here? No? Let me elaborate.

I have my own opinion on things. I stand up for myself, and I stand up for what I believe in. It's up to you to believe it or not. Now, referring to a statement I made up there (I mentioned corruption), there will be people in the world who are just so foul they'd manipulate what you've said and turn it against you. The stupid thing would be that you'd actually believe it. Let's say you did. Now apply all this to the BIG question. Would you play into the manipulation, or have faith in what you valued?

Here's what we learned. Don't believe in words you didn't hear yourself. They lead to assumptions and wrong accusations. Most of all, know your right from wrong, be careful who you trust, and before you fall into traps like this, think of what you've got to lose. We all know what we've got, it's just that we all didn't think we'd lose it, that's why we take some things for granted. Those things we took for granted in the end? They could have been true, but you chose to believe the lie instead because you didn't stop and think. When you finally realize you've fucked up, it'll have been too late.

You're going to regret this.

keepsakes and memories.

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time."

- John Mayer

I was lying in bed one day reminiscing on the past, and what's been going on the last couple of weeks. It's been one hell of a party in my head the past couple of days.

I'm not the kind of person who can easily let go of people, keepsakes and other things that have meant a significant value to me in my life. Accepting the fact that I've lost something so dear and important, not to others, but at least to me and in my mind, is something really fucking painful to be honest. I don't really become interested in something easily, nor do I fall for some situations, people and whatsoever... But when I do, I fall pretty fuckin' hard.

When situations like this happen, that line from John Mayer's song comes to mind. One side of me wants to accept it and just move on from all the pain and tears I had to go through, while the other just wants to bear with it and hold on, even if holding on is under every circumstances wrong already. Pain is only temporary.

Stubborn: that's the word. No matter how wrong it is, how bad it will be in the long run, how painful and stupid it could get, I just cannot let some things go. Like I said, I'm not someone who gets attached to anything that easily. You must've done something really impressive if that happened. It's one of the reasons I'm afraid of getting too attached to someone/something, why I keep to myself so much.

I'd hate to admit it, but this is one of the reasons why I am so clingy, needy, overly protective and possessive. Aside from that, there's that habit of easily getting jealous over something. Hey, at least I give a damn, okay. It may not seem like it, but when someone or something becomes important to me, I want to make sure he/she is always happy, always safe and secure. I don't really show it, but I try my best even with just the littlest things to make sure they know that I love them. It's not much, but it's the best I could do. As far as generosity and kindness goes, that's what I do.

Going back to the topic, letting go is never easy. Reader, know better than me and always remember: Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. One side of me goes, "FUCK YES BETTER THINGS FOR ME!" while another just simply says, "why do my good things have to fall apart to become better?". Being blindly optimistic to my 'good things' I'd rather keep them as is than to have them fall apart for something better because I like to think they can be better without having to fall apart.

But you know the one thing I hate the most about letting go of something I've held on to dearly? It's knowing that once I let go, it'll be nothing but a distant memory of what had been and what could've been. Time wouldn't make a difference, be it short or long, real or fake, good or bad... It's the impact they made in your life that matters most of all.

... I'm lost. Back to square one.

eat lead.

Everyone has probably been led on at least once in their life. In my opinion, there is no feeling worse than being led on. The hope, patience, and effort you put into that something or 'someone'. The persistence, time and hard work you took and wasted. The thoughts and feelings you went through over and over.

In the end, you slip on the very tightrope you walk and hang there in the balance. The metaphor in this is the clutch you have on that tightrope you slipped on itself. As being led on goes, you get struck and come to the point of making that path changing decision not everyone finds easy to conclude.

Do you hold on, pull yourself up and continue on knowing you might just slip and get hurt again but not knowing where the end of the tightrope will be anyway? OR, do you just give up and let go, fall into oblivion not knowing whether where you'll land and end up in will be good or bad?

This is something that can happen anywhere. Work, school, home, love life, social life, wild life (lol).

Example 1: Boy likes girl. Girl makes boy think girl likes boy. Boy puts time and effort to get girl. Girl plays along with no intent of being taken. Boy is left hanging with no conclusion but shattered hope and disappointment.

Example 2: Child sees toy. Child wants toy. Child asks parent if they can buy the toy. Parent says they'll think about it making child hope they'll get it even if they have no intention of buying toy. Child blindly believes it. Child gets hurt because toy wasn't bought.

Example 3: Employee asks for raise or promotion. Boss gives employee large workload and presentations to complete and prepare within deadline. Employee works his/her hardest to achieve boss' approval. Boss has no intention of promoting employee. Employee's effort wasted in the end.

The fact of the matter is it hurts so much being put in that situation. It maybe something small and irrelevant, sometimes even simple to some. I don't know about you, but that's just not the case for me, it would be the complete opposite. There are MANY other kinds of situations, but I could only think of the main 3.

The fact that you mustered up all the courage and effort to even try to walk that tightrope would be a feat to some (To me, it would be something very fucking impressive), while to others it would be just another 'walk in the park'. That's not the end of it. Knowing the fact that if you let go, you wouldn't complete what you started anyway just really fucking sucks.

To top it all off, knowing you slipped, got hurt and just let go and gave up from your intentions and hopes... That just really fucking sucks even more!

My description and thoughts of it alone feel painful already, but that's just me, it's a blog and that's what I intend to be doing though I do not know if the reader feels what I pour onto my posts. I was sitting in my room tonight and was wondering what I should make a post about and remembered a small instance that first popped into my head, a story told by my aunt. So that's how this post came to be.

BUT ANYWAY, I don't know any ways out to avoid or get over being led on as it isn't something I've learned and experienced fully (I don't intend to either!). Yes, I've gone through things like this before and managed to get through just fine, it's just that my methods aren't exactly something to brag about.

... But I'll tell you anyway. Whenever I felt like I was being led on, I'd throw a bitch fit and get pissed at anything or anyone, toss out my frustrations and then sleep it all off. If I don't feel better after waking up the next morning, I repeat cycle until I do. It's pathetic, isn't it?

I don't recommend doing that, but I do recommend avoiding the situation as much as possible. Hell, if I were you, I'd just not even try if I knew it was something that would happen in the long run. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the catch of being led on, you don't know if it will. Truth be told, you wouldn't know if it was happening either until the point where you're just too damn fed up and sick of it, and by then it would've already been too late.

To the person leading another on, just think of the karma you'll get hit with. What goes around comes around, and once it comes around... Just imagine how hard it'll bite you in the ass tenfold. That's what you get. Fuck you for wasting time, effort and screwing us over by keeping us hanging on that metaphorical tight rope. Yeah.

I feel so much disgust for people who have the facial thickness to do this. To make someone look stupid by making them hope for something that's actually nothing, to make someone suffer over and over through waiting and wasting time and whatnot they put into this, just to end up in pain in disappointment.

To the person being led on by another, that's life. That's just the way it is. You win some, you lose some, you get screwed over, you fuck up. Learn from the mistakes. It's nothing simple but this isn't rocket science, just suck it up and go on ahead with it, it'll be behind you eventually if you just keep swimmin' (LOL DORY).

I leave you all with these two lines from a song by the Eraserheads. To the filipinos! ... And others who can understand what this means:

"Kung kelan ka naging seriyoso, saka ka nya gagaguhin."

"Diba, tangina, nagmukha akong tanga. Pinaasa nya lang ako, letseng pagibig to."