not an answer to be heard.

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I haven't been blogging, I know. I'd much rather be asleep right now, but I'm starting to think that'd be a waste of time now that I've suddenly got an urge to just type and type whatever comes to mind as I type. It's also been a while since I've been hit with inspiration but life's being doing just fine without it. I've been losing the motivation to go to school. Hell, I'm even starting to think that's a good thing. With all the corruption surrounding the Philippines, I'm much better off at home. Oh God, I miss home.

There are so many places I could call home, but there's only one place I could actually consider home. It's still far too difficult to refer to it as home like it's always been but it's always been one to me whether or not I consider it as one.

I miss the purple buses I know like the back of my hand, going around the country that would be impossible for me to get lost in. I miss staying up all night and sleeping all day, being sugar high on rainy days and caffeine high on sunny days. I miss the fresh air from the many trees around the city, the food and delicacies prepared in a way you'd never find anywhere else in the world, the peace and sense of boredom you'd only find in Brunei.

This is where the photo above comes in.

"Think about what happened a year ago today. You probably can't even remember. Everything that seems important now won't be anymore."

I've never really thought about it much until now, but my priorities have changed completely and it's true. What used to be so important isn't the slightest bit significant to me now. I'm trying to recall what used to be so important to me but I just can't seem to. Most of them seem to have just been erased with only small traces left behind, while there are some that are still insignificantly etched in my mind. After hours of contemplating, I think I've got it... Or at least some of what it used to be.

I think it'd be far too personal for me to mention what used to be important and what's important to me now, but I'd be happy to mention one very big aspect of the things I've considered important: My friends.

Most of the people I considered important 12 months ago aren't the same people I consider important now. I'm sorry if it offends anybody, but that's just how things are. Things change so much it hurts to realize things like this. You can never be content with what you've got and before you know it, what you've got is completely different from what you used to have.

I hate disappointing anybody, but sometimes it takes a whole lot of effort to stay in someone's life. People will come and go, fall in and out of our lives and all we can do is accept it. Be grateful for the ones you've got while they're still there, because you never know when they won't be around anymore. You can't expect to stay in someone's life effortlessly. Regardless of that, it's been said that if someone leaves your life, it only means their chapter is over... That it's time for a new one.

Some people know that all too well, but most can't help but expect to stay important. Expectations only lead to disappointment, so don't be surprised if you're disappointed by your expectations because of the lack of effort. We're all lazy in general, so effort actually shows a hint of what's important to us. Now, if we're not important to someone, why should they? That pretty much explains it.

save your breath and i'll talk instead.

There are people who put up plastic faces. Faces they show to others, faces they want others to believe are genuine. These people are full of shit. To hide the truth is not only lying to others, but lying to yourself. Some people would go to any lengths to prove their plastic face is real, some people even wind up insane believing it's real even when they know deep down it's a complete fake.

I'm not going to hide anything, in my own honest opinion there are just some people in the world that aren't worth being real to. What you see is what you get, and that's what I'm going to give you. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm not going to lie if I know inside that I like it, nor will I just be nice and say that I do even when I know I don't. Of course, that's just me. What about you?

Some call it being heartless, I call it being brutally honest. For example, you are about to be given a cupcake. Would you rather have the one that's bitter but sugar coated with something sweet, or the one that's bitter and nothing else? Don't tell me you won't pick the one with the sugar coating, because a vast majority would do just that.

In all honesty, that's what everyone wants in the world. People who sugar coat them with what they think is nice. Only a select few in the world want to face the bitter reality. Different people put up different kinds of defense mechanisms so they won't get hurt, so they don't have to face the bitterness, so they can get away and escape from reality.

A friend of mine once said, "escaping reality is like escaping the trial meant for you to go through in order to begin your journey of self discovery". The point I'm trying to make is obvious, don't try to escape reality. You're only fooling yourself if you think escaping reality is living. It isn't.

By escaping reality, you're only lying to yourself for not facing the truth, for not facing the fact that what is is what is. You'd be living a lie, hell, you'd be a lie. You'd be putting up a plastic face for everyone to see, because the real you inside that face doesn't want to face what's in front of you. You'd only be trying to convince yourself that a lie is the truth. It's pathetic, it's disgusting, it's fucking stupid.

To know the truth, and cover it up with lies because you don't want to face it... How low can you get? It's like saying you love someone, but holding it back and saying you don't because you're afraid of the truth. You're in denial and murdering a part of your world. What's worse is getting caught in the act. It's not so bad if nobody knows, but once you get caught doing this, every image about you is completely shattered.

All the truths you've said in the past are now moot after what you did, and moving on from that, how can you expect someone to believe what you say anymore? In the end, everything you say and will say will just end up as a doubt, nothing believable anymore. You've done it once, you can do it again. It's all face value from there.

Face reality, don't kill it.

eat lead.

Everyone has probably been led on at least once in their life. In my opinion, there is no feeling worse than being led on. The hope, patience, and effort you put into that something or 'someone'. The persistence, time and hard work you took and wasted. The thoughts and feelings you went through over and over.

In the end, you slip on the very tightrope you walk and hang there in the balance. The metaphor in this is the clutch you have on that tightrope you slipped on itself. As being led on goes, you get struck and come to the point of making that path changing decision not everyone finds easy to conclude.

Do you hold on, pull yourself up and continue on knowing you might just slip and get hurt again but not knowing where the end of the tightrope will be anyway? OR, do you just give up and let go, fall into oblivion not knowing whether where you'll land and end up in will be good or bad?

This is something that can happen anywhere. Work, school, home, love life, social life, wild life (lol).

Example 1: Boy likes girl. Girl makes boy think girl likes boy. Boy puts time and effort to get girl. Girl plays along with no intent of being taken. Boy is left hanging with no conclusion but shattered hope and disappointment.

Example 2: Child sees toy. Child wants toy. Child asks parent if they can buy the toy. Parent says they'll think about it making child hope they'll get it even if they have no intention of buying toy. Child blindly believes it. Child gets hurt because toy wasn't bought.

Example 3: Employee asks for raise or promotion. Boss gives employee large workload and presentations to complete and prepare within deadline. Employee works his/her hardest to achieve boss' approval. Boss has no intention of promoting employee. Employee's effort wasted in the end.

The fact of the matter is it hurts so much being put in that situation. It maybe something small and irrelevant, sometimes even simple to some. I don't know about you, but that's just not the case for me, it would be the complete opposite. There are MANY other kinds of situations, but I could only think of the main 3.

The fact that you mustered up all the courage and effort to even try to walk that tightrope would be a feat to some (To me, it would be something very fucking impressive), while to others it would be just another 'walk in the park'. That's not the end of it. Knowing the fact that if you let go, you wouldn't complete what you started anyway just really fucking sucks.

To top it all off, knowing you slipped, got hurt and just let go and gave up from your intentions and hopes... That just really fucking sucks even more!

My description and thoughts of it alone feel painful already, but that's just me, it's a blog and that's what I intend to be doing though I do not know if the reader feels what I pour onto my posts. I was sitting in my room tonight and was wondering what I should make a post about and remembered a small instance that first popped into my head, a story told by my aunt. So that's how this post came to be.

BUT ANYWAY, I don't know any ways out to avoid or get over being led on as it isn't something I've learned and experienced fully (I don't intend to either!). Yes, I've gone through things like this before and managed to get through just fine, it's just that my methods aren't exactly something to brag about.

... But I'll tell you anyway. Whenever I felt like I was being led on, I'd throw a bitch fit and get pissed at anything or anyone, toss out my frustrations and then sleep it all off. If I don't feel better after waking up the next morning, I repeat cycle until I do. It's pathetic, isn't it?

I don't recommend doing that, but I do recommend avoiding the situation as much as possible. Hell, if I were you, I'd just not even try if I knew it was something that would happen in the long run. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the catch of being led on, you don't know if it will. Truth be told, you wouldn't know if it was happening either until the point where you're just too damn fed up and sick of it, and by then it would've already been too late.

To the person leading another on, just think of the karma you'll get hit with. What goes around comes around, and once it comes around... Just imagine how hard it'll bite you in the ass tenfold. That's what you get. Fuck you for wasting time, effort and screwing us over by keeping us hanging on that metaphorical tight rope. Yeah.

I feel so much disgust for people who have the facial thickness to do this. To make someone look stupid by making them hope for something that's actually nothing, to make someone suffer over and over through waiting and wasting time and whatnot they put into this, just to end up in pain in disappointment.

To the person being led on by another, that's life. That's just the way it is. You win some, you lose some, you get screwed over, you fuck up. Learn from the mistakes. It's nothing simple but this isn't rocket science, just suck it up and go on ahead with it, it'll be behind you eventually if you just keep swimmin' (LOL DORY).

I leave you all with these two lines from a song by the Eraserheads. To the filipinos! ... And others who can understand what this means:

"Kung kelan ka naging seriyoso, saka ka nya gagaguhin."

"Diba, tangina, nagmukha akong tanga. Pinaasa nya lang ako, letseng pagibig to."