not an answer to be heard.

---

I haven't been blogging, I know. I'd much rather be asleep right now, but I'm starting to think that'd be a waste of time now that I've suddenly got an urge to just type and type whatever comes to mind as I type. It's also been a while since I've been hit with inspiration but life's being doing just fine without it. I've been losing the motivation to go to school. Hell, I'm even starting to think that's a good thing. With all the corruption surrounding the Philippines, I'm much better off at home. Oh God, I miss home.

There are so many places I could call home, but there's only one place I could actually consider home. It's still far too difficult to refer to it as home like it's always been but it's always been one to me whether or not I consider it as one.

I miss the purple buses I know like the back of my hand, going around the country that would be impossible for me to get lost in. I miss staying up all night and sleeping all day, being sugar high on rainy days and caffeine high on sunny days. I miss the fresh air from the many trees around the city, the food and delicacies prepared in a way you'd never find anywhere else in the world, the peace and sense of boredom you'd only find in Brunei.

This is where the photo above comes in.

"Think about what happened a year ago today. You probably can't even remember. Everything that seems important now won't be anymore."

I've never really thought about it much until now, but my priorities have changed completely and it's true. What used to be so important isn't the slightest bit significant to me now. I'm trying to recall what used to be so important to me but I just can't seem to. Most of them seem to have just been erased with only small traces left behind, while there are some that are still insignificantly etched in my mind. After hours of contemplating, I think I've got it... Or at least some of what it used to be.

I think it'd be far too personal for me to mention what used to be important and what's important to me now, but I'd be happy to mention one very big aspect of the things I've considered important: My friends.

Most of the people I considered important 12 months ago aren't the same people I consider important now. I'm sorry if it offends anybody, but that's just how things are. Things change so much it hurts to realize things like this. You can never be content with what you've got and before you know it, what you've got is completely different from what you used to have.

I hate disappointing anybody, but sometimes it takes a whole lot of effort to stay in someone's life. People will come and go, fall in and out of our lives and all we can do is accept it. Be grateful for the ones you've got while they're still there, because you never know when they won't be around anymore. You can't expect to stay in someone's life effortlessly. Regardless of that, it's been said that if someone leaves your life, it only means their chapter is over... That it's time for a new one.

Some people know that all too well, but most can't help but expect to stay important. Expectations only lead to disappointment, so don't be surprised if you're disappointed by your expectations because of the lack of effort. We're all lazy in general, so effort actually shows a hint of what's important to us. Now, if we're not important to someone, why should they? That pretty much explains it.

hati sejati.

I'd be asleep by now if it weren't for this woman. She goes by many names, but she's Mae to me. She's got a lot of 'spunk' for such a fragile human being, but that's what makes her stand out in my opinion. If you aren't acquainted with her, you would never know just how badass she could be. I'm going to start this post off by how I met such a pretty girl. It was a dark and stormy evening (not really) when I received an anonymous message. A couple of messages later and the rest was history. Yes, just like that. Actually, it doesn't end there. From that point onwards, she was the person I'd somehow end up having a conversation with every night.

Conversations with her are never dull, in my own honest opinion. Why, you ask? It's because there's always something new to talk about with her. She's the kind of girl who knows just how to keep me entertained being someone who gets bored fast. Most of the time, we just end up debating on who's more awesome than who or who's the better person, but our conversations aren't shallow and pointless like most. I learn a lot from her in one way or the other, which is why I find her so interesting.

Aside from being interesting, she intimidates me. All she has to do is raise an eyebrow at you and give you this 'look' and you know you're screwed if you were to try anything funny. Unlike most, she isn't the kind who'd be intimidated by me. Maybe not because she isn't scared, but because she's just really, really fragile inside. As she can be really sensitive, the slightest comment could either make her or break her on certain occasions. I've always said that whenever there's someone or something fragile around, there is nothing else you must do but to handle said thing or person with tender loving care.

Speaking of TLC, she's really feminine too. Like, really. She always flicks her hair around and walks around with her arms sticking out in a posh manner swirling 'em around. I don't know why, but I'm going to guess it's a girl thing. Going back to her sensitive side, she's scared of getting hurt (who isn't anyway?) and making mistakes. I like her just the way she is, but if there was one way she'd be even better, it'd be the fact that she should just stop holding herself back with fear most of the time.

 I could go on talking about her, but some things are better left unsaid (either that or it's because there are some things I want to keep just between me and her, it's more special that way). She asked for me to make a post about her, and she got it. A pretty girl like her looks at the world full of faith, restricted by her own fear and self-imposed rules. I've got a long line of things to say but I'll leave it at: You amaze me.

"Be satisfied with what you have."

- Mae.

while the image of you shatters and fades away, i still scramble to pick up the pieces.

There's roughly 7 billion people in the world. Roughly 3.5 billion of that are the women. There are so many women... So many different kinds of women. No, I don't wanna talk about all 3.5 billion of them, I just want to talk about ones I've seen or met from my point of view. Don't judge me from what I'm about to talk about, I know I'm bashing on some women and I sure as hell know not all of you are like this, but hey, you wouldn't be offended if you weren't one of them.

I've gotten to know quite a number of women in school in the very short time I've been there. I'm not naming fingers or pointing names, I'm just speaking in general that some girls are... well, evil in a way. Some girls are like bad habits. In tagalog, we call it 'bisyo'. Like smoking or drinking, they'll give you satisfaction, they'll make you feel good... But in the long run, they'll trip you up, they'll steer you wrong, and they will hurt you bad. Worst of all, you just can't help but keep coming back 'cause they make you feel good, 'cause you think you're happy and satisfied.. 'cause you're addicted.

These kinds of women, stay VERY far away from them. They're just going to use you, take advantage of you, and when they're done using the hell out of you, they're just going to disappear and forget you even exist. They are not going to feel bad about it, because they get what they wanted out of you,so it's a lose-lose situation for us men. Now, seeing just how many women are like this in school just scares me. You can trust no one but yourself when it comes down to who you're friends with, so pick your friends... And choose wisely.

There are other kinds of girls too. Some of them are quiet, kind, mysterious... But most of the time just plain clueless. There are some who are loud, obnoxious, and attention seeking... but all that aside they're just really dim. There are also those who are in every aspect nice to you... until you have your back turned. Some who just plain look down on you, some who just think they're far better than anyone else, some who just always need to be in the spotlight, some who just gossip till their asses fall off, some who have no asses, some who are not even worth talking to because of their bitch attitude.

This is the worst aspect you could possibly see in a woman, and not all of them are like that, but hell, there are only a handful who aren't. When you get one who isn't... Well, evil in general, don't let her go, because they're the ones who are just worth your time be it friend, special someone or family. The point of this post is that no matter how horrible you think someone is, be nice anyway... Just be on guard, and don't let them take advantage of you. There is never a good reason to be bad, nor is there ever a good reason to not be nice to someone.

Now with all this on women, I wouldn't say men are any different. We're all just as bad as everyone is, not one of us here is 'clean'. Not anymore.

---

I've gotten out of shape, mainly because I've been sick for weeks now, and it only got worse a couple of days ago. I want so badly to get back to boxing, but I can't until I get rid of the sickness. I don't get sick easily, I'm pretty sure of that... But when I do get sick, it's pretty bad most of the time. As of right now, I've gotten better, but the headache's still there. Aside from that, I've been doing better than usual everywhere else over the last couple of weeks. A little complacency would be nice, but I just don't feel anywhere near satisfied yet.

negativity is an understatement.

Be warned. This isn't one of my usual blog posts. I'm just not in the mood to fuck around right now. If you're not interested at me ranting about negativity and venting out frustration and anger, do not read this. I will post something 'worthwhile' after this... when I feel like it. Whatever.

---

To know who your friends are, who your REAL friends are... That's not something easy or simply put. A friend is a person who is on good terms with another, whereas in medieval times a friend is someone who is not considered a hostile threat to another. But right now in our time, a friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard, one who gives assistance and different virtues such as trust, empathy, understanding, compassion and whatnot.

There are many different kinds of friends. Some who take advantage, some who pretend, and some who manipulate. To find a friend who is genuine, however, is a long shot among them all. When you do find one that fits that bit alone, do not take them for granted. Be proud of the friends you've got, be it an army of them or a just a handful, each one is special you cannot put a price on. Young or old, whatever difference, a friend is a friend.

Many just don't understand that. Most take friends for granted, some even for their own benefit alone thinking only for themselves. The bullshit in that situation is that some acknowledge it and just let it be anyway since some are just really lonely, desperate for attention, or are just really fucking forgiving.

I'm one of them but I know when to put my foot down when things go too far. It just disappoints me far too much to know that there are people in the world I consider friends who have this characteristic. On the up side, I still look at them positively, no matter how bad I know then can steer me wrong. Everyone deserves a second chance.

There are times when things do go too far, and when that happens, I'm not one to forgive. I forgive but I don't forget, and when the time comes that you go too far, I don't give a fuck if you jump off a bridge, I'll only forgive you when I see fit. Everything has consequences, I know that too well. Even after all that, there are still some situations for a stubborn asshole like me to not know exactly when it has become too much.

A friend is a friend, and everyone should know just how to treat something that valuable.

Although everyone deserves a second chance, some just don't deserve it yet.

---

No matter what stunt you pull, a lie is a lie. Like Merlin said: "When a man lies, he murders a part of the world". However you want to put it, a lie will always manage to find a way out. When you lie and another finds out, no matter how hard you try to fix it, the damage would have already been done. You cannot undo a lie. You're doomed from the start, thus you just absolutely under no circumstances cannot end it right once it's started wrong.

Worst of all, if you can lie to a certain person, you sure as hell can do it again to them.

like we used to.

HEY GUISE, I WAS LOOKING BACK AT MY PHOTOS AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

I eyepicked the ones I found interesting.

I was fuckin' skinny back then, wasn't I? Just look at that! Skin and bones!

My hair was shit long as well.

I miss Brunei.

I have this in my wallet. I miss these two batshit crazy chikas.

Say hello to the little kiddies! This dated back to December.

K THAS IT THANKS GUISE