passive aggressive.

"Bad luck.. or just outright stupid?"

The phrase that's summed up the last couple of days. I'd say I'm disappointed, but I saw it coming. Now, people are going to judge you and hate you for who you are. They're either jealous of you, or just insecure of their little fucked up lives. I'd say both, but that'd be too nice. You see, there are people you see in the movies are just so despicable, so sick and nasty you would never have expected to actually meet someone like that in reality living, breathing, fucking other peoples' lives up.

Now I don't give a fuck if this is going to offend anybody, hell, I've got nothing to lose anymore. Again, you see, I've been screwed over. My first instinct was to land a left hook on the said person's face, but that wouldn't be politically correct. Then I thought: revenge is only going to get me temporary satisfaction, so why do that? Now if you're someone I know or just a random reader, you're probably wondering, "What the hell is up with this guy?". I don't give a damn what you feel *cough* sorry, just kidding. Anyway, all I want to do right now is speak my mind. So let us start!

As I was saying, I've been screwed over. I can't blame anyone for my misfortune though. I'd be getting nowhere if I were just sitting around playing the blame game. I could tell you everything I thought was true, but some people just wouldn't believe it. Either that, or they just wouldn't care. Why? Corruption, that's why! We've all got what we've got like one man's treasure is another man's trash. The question is whether you're grateful, or just taking it for granted.

I think I've taken some people for granted. More or less, they've done the same with me. However, deep inside I know how important someone can really be and I value each and everything I've gotten and possessed up until the point they've disappeared or left. Here's a little question for you: How much do you value someone?

If you really valued someone, they'd come before anything else. Before you believe what another person says about something you valued, you'd question the value itself first. Now, let's put that to a person's perspective. Here's a BIG question for you: If you were me, who would you believe first? A friend you barely know, or a friend who's been there for you through thick and thin? A friend you just met, or a friend you've known for a while? Now, I know what you're thinking. The righteous would say the second option, the idiotic would say the first. Then again, you wouldn't be questioning yourself on decisions like this if you really knew what you valued. Do you see where I'm coming from here? No? Let me elaborate.

I have my own opinion on things. I stand up for myself, and I stand up for what I believe in. It's up to you to believe it or not. Now, referring to a statement I made up there (I mentioned corruption), there will be people in the world who are just so foul they'd manipulate what you've said and turn it against you. The stupid thing would be that you'd actually believe it. Let's say you did. Now apply all this to the BIG question. Would you play into the manipulation, or have faith in what you valued?

Here's what we learned. Don't believe in words you didn't hear yourself. They lead to assumptions and wrong accusations. Most of all, know your right from wrong, be careful who you trust, and before you fall into traps like this, think of what you've got to lose. We all know what we've got, it's just that we all didn't think we'd lose it, that's why we take some things for granted. Those things we took for granted in the end? They could have been true, but you chose to believe the lie instead because you didn't stop and think. When you finally realize you've fucked up, it'll have been too late.

You're going to regret this.

not an answer to be heard.

---

I haven't been blogging, I know. I'd much rather be asleep right now, but I'm starting to think that'd be a waste of time now that I've suddenly got an urge to just type and type whatever comes to mind as I type. It's also been a while since I've been hit with inspiration but life's being doing just fine without it. I've been losing the motivation to go to school. Hell, I'm even starting to think that's a good thing. With all the corruption surrounding the Philippines, I'm much better off at home. Oh God, I miss home.

There are so many places I could call home, but there's only one place I could actually consider home. It's still far too difficult to refer to it as home like it's always been but it's always been one to me whether or not I consider it as one.

I miss the purple buses I know like the back of my hand, going around the country that would be impossible for me to get lost in. I miss staying up all night and sleeping all day, being sugar high on rainy days and caffeine high on sunny days. I miss the fresh air from the many trees around the city, the food and delicacies prepared in a way you'd never find anywhere else in the world, the peace and sense of boredom you'd only find in Brunei.

This is where the photo above comes in.

"Think about what happened a year ago today. You probably can't even remember. Everything that seems important now won't be anymore."

I've never really thought about it much until now, but my priorities have changed completely and it's true. What used to be so important isn't the slightest bit significant to me now. I'm trying to recall what used to be so important to me but I just can't seem to. Most of them seem to have just been erased with only small traces left behind, while there are some that are still insignificantly etched in my mind. After hours of contemplating, I think I've got it... Or at least some of what it used to be.

I think it'd be far too personal for me to mention what used to be important and what's important to me now, but I'd be happy to mention one very big aspect of the things I've considered important: My friends.

Most of the people I considered important 12 months ago aren't the same people I consider important now. I'm sorry if it offends anybody, but that's just how things are. Things change so much it hurts to realize things like this. You can never be content with what you've got and before you know it, what you've got is completely different from what you used to have.

I hate disappointing anybody, but sometimes it takes a whole lot of effort to stay in someone's life. People will come and go, fall in and out of our lives and all we can do is accept it. Be grateful for the ones you've got while they're still there, because you never know when they won't be around anymore. You can't expect to stay in someone's life effortlessly. Regardless of that, it's been said that if someone leaves your life, it only means their chapter is over... That it's time for a new one.

Some people know that all too well, but most can't help but expect to stay important. Expectations only lead to disappointment, so don't be surprised if you're disappointed by your expectations because of the lack of effort. We're all lazy in general, so effort actually shows a hint of what's important to us. Now, if we're not important to someone, why should they? That pretty much explains it.

fragile.

Love. It's the ability to move around and adapt with the flaws and mistakes of someone special, accepting them for who they are and still want to be with them regardless all those flaws. To accomplish that is love because love is an action, not a feeling.

hati sejati.

I'd be asleep by now if it weren't for this woman. She goes by many names, but she's Mae to me. She's got a lot of 'spunk' for such a fragile human being, but that's what makes her stand out in my opinion. If you aren't acquainted with her, you would never know just how badass she could be. I'm going to start this post off by how I met such a pretty girl. It was a dark and stormy evening (not really) when I received an anonymous message. A couple of messages later and the rest was history. Yes, just like that. Actually, it doesn't end there. From that point onwards, she was the person I'd somehow end up having a conversation with every night.

Conversations with her are never dull, in my own honest opinion. Why, you ask? It's because there's always something new to talk about with her. She's the kind of girl who knows just how to keep me entertained being someone who gets bored fast. Most of the time, we just end up debating on who's more awesome than who or who's the better person, but our conversations aren't shallow and pointless like most. I learn a lot from her in one way or the other, which is why I find her so interesting.

Aside from being interesting, she intimidates me. All she has to do is raise an eyebrow at you and give you this 'look' and you know you're screwed if you were to try anything funny. Unlike most, she isn't the kind who'd be intimidated by me. Maybe not because she isn't scared, but because she's just really, really fragile inside. As she can be really sensitive, the slightest comment could either make her or break her on certain occasions. I've always said that whenever there's someone or something fragile around, there is nothing else you must do but to handle said thing or person with tender loving care.

Speaking of TLC, she's really feminine too. Like, really. She always flicks her hair around and walks around with her arms sticking out in a posh manner swirling 'em around. I don't know why, but I'm going to guess it's a girl thing. Going back to her sensitive side, she's scared of getting hurt (who isn't anyway?) and making mistakes. I like her just the way she is, but if there was one way she'd be even better, it'd be the fact that she should just stop holding herself back with fear most of the time.

 I could go on talking about her, but some things are better left unsaid (either that or it's because there are some things I want to keep just between me and her, it's more special that way). She asked for me to make a post about her, and she got it. A pretty girl like her looks at the world full of faith, restricted by her own fear and self-imposed rules. I've got a long line of things to say but I'll leave it at: You amaze me.

"Be satisfied with what you have."

- Mae.

don't you think we ought to have learned by now?

It's nothing, really. Ho hum, what's new? It's not like I didn't see it coming. I did. I fucking did.

What pisses me off is that even though I did, I just didn't listen to myself. Stubborn idiot.

I think it's time I started listening to that voice of reason inside my head. You know the problem with people who pick the heart over the mind? They tend to fuck up, crash and burn harder than anyone else.

It's no big deal, at least I think so. Attachments are weaknesses, and those are things that are not worth having.

I'm at a loss for words.

The voice inside my head isn't.

I guess it's time I went to sleep.

Goodnight.

it's not the first time, but this one really carved it in.

I just absolutely hate waiting. Call me impatient, but I just don't see any productivity in waiting for anything or anyone. They say that patience is a virtue, and that it takes one hell of a person to wait for something. When waiting for someone or something, there's a fine line between 'one hell of a person' and 'one hell of an idiot'. You're one hell of a person when you do the waiting the right way, and one hell of an idiot when you do it wrong.

 Now, let's explore. What does waiting do for us aside from teach us to be patient and completely waste our time? A lot of hopeless romantics (I would call myself one, but I'm against waiting) would say that anyone can tell someone they love him or her, but it takes someone really awesome to actually wait and prove it's true. I say, to hell with that! You can wait and prove it's true, but in all honesty, the people worth waiting for are the ones who wouldn't let you wait for even a second. Am I right, or am I right?

 Now that I've completely destroyed that quote, what else is there to contradict about waiting? Oh, I know. The 'wastes our time' part. Of course, there are benefits in waiting, like um, learning about patience. Yes, having patience is nice and all, I've got to admit that but when you wait, you also waste time in a way. Why wait for something when you could be doing something more productive? Why sit and wait for someone, when there's an infinite supply of everything for you out there in the world? I mean, who knows. You could be waiting for someone or something, when at that given moment, you could have been going places or gaining things, going further and moving forward.

No, I'm not the kind of person who's patient. I get bored easily, but I'm pretty sure a couple of posts back, I said that "I was one hell of a patient person". See how worthless waiting is? People change, everything changes. The only thing that's permanent in the world is change. You could be patient now and be the complete opposite later, but what's the point? It's been proven that time waits for no man, so why waste your time waiting? I guess it's the fact that each and everyone of us has a different perspective about waiting, and each of us has our own limits here and there when it comes to that.

Actually, anyone can wait for anything. The only thing we're all ever scared of is whether or not the wait will be worth it in the end. You could be madly in love with someone at that moment and completely convince yourself that you could wait a lifetime for them, when the harsh truth is that your mind could change at any given moment at any given time. Since we're all so scared about what's worth waiting for and what isn't, we end up letting the time slip past us. That in turn causes us to miss a whole lot of different opportunities, good and bad.

A quote I could actually agree on is the one that goes "Do not wait for the perfect moment, take a moment and make it perfect." That, ladies and gentlemen, is truth. We human beings never get satisfied, and that just causes the worst kind of effect on people who actually wait. They just wait and wait for that moment, but since the said person is human, he will never get satisfied or reached the peak of complacency and finally admit that a said moment is deemed absolutely perfect. Long story short, why wait when you could take it right now?

It's right there in front of you, why pull someone's strings and make them wait? So that they could prove they're true? Well, that's unfair. Sometimes, you just need to jump in and take the risk, fuck the waiting. Grab every opportunity you can before they disappear out of your reach, because once they're gone, they may never come back. See how much of a waste that is? Oh, and remember what I said about how everyone has got their own limit? You will never know when enough is enough and how long you can keep going because you could be a second away from believing they're true, when they're one second advanced in coming to the conclusion that you're just wasting their time. 

People have got to realize that. That you can gain just as much as you can lose just by seizing the moment or waiting endlessly. Waiting makes absolutely no progress, that's why it's called waiting... And with lifespans as short as ours, I sure as hell don't have any time to waste. Everything moves forward, no matter how slow, no matter how short, all we've got to do is keep up. Take that extra step, one step at a time. Why wait when you could be more than you already are? Why lag behind for something when everything is advancing? People mistake waiting as something positive only because they apply impatience with something negative like fear, therefore in the end, it fucks the whole system up.

In all honesty, all I really wanted to do was completely destroy that 'wait and prove it's true' shit because I think it's full of shit, but I think I've accomplished a whole lot more than that. Never let anyone let you wait. Do what you want. Always dictate the pace. Keep up or eat dust. I repeat, nobody's worth waiting for, because the ones worth waiting for won't let you wait.

iguguhit kita sa alaala.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-questions-you-need-to-ask-to-avoid-ruining-your-life/

Dead on.

i'll give it hell.

You could be the most beautiful girl in the world.

But your beauty means nothing when you're just full of shit inside.

There is, however, bittersweet irony to that fact.

You could have the most beautiful soul in the world.

But beauty means nothing when you've got nothing to show outside.

Humanity is absolutely beautiful in so many ways. There are so many ways to show just how beautiful each and every human being is. That isn't the case most of the time though. In harsh reality, humanity nearly always overlooks the beauty just sitting right in front of them. Of course, most of the time 'real' beauty is rarely seen because it's never visible on the outside except for rare moments.

The beauty everyone cares about nowadays is image, appearance, and/or physical attributes. Whatever happened to the beauty inside a person? I don't know, life's just unfair that way. Why? That's because metaphorically speaking, nobody ever stops to smell the flowers anymore. Now, why is that? Well, because nobody would give a damn about the smell of a flower if the flower doesn't look good in the first place.

In all honesty, would you want to take some time and effort to get to know someone who's physically ugly just to find out just how beautiful they are inside? No, of course not. Humanity today just wouldn't give a damn. I wouldn't either, unless of course fate makes it happen. Just like how every other person in the world would be. The ugliest of people know the true value of beauty, just like how the weakest of people know how valuable it really is to be strong.

In conclusion, This is how harsh reality is:

Nobody would give a shit about how beautiful you are on the inside if you don't look the slightest bit pretty on the outside. Nobody would take the time to do so unless you had looks. That's how important appearance was, is, and will be. That's what we are. Why the hell bother? Exactly.

it comes and goes like the strength in your bones.

Life's been so busy. You know that feeling you get when you've got so much to do, and you just want to do all of it, and there's just not enough time to do any of it? Yeah, I've got to go through that everyday. I've got lots of stuff to do, and it's going good.

I'm campaigning to get in the SDB. I'm in this U-Speak Party, and I'm running for auditor. I just hope all the damn English I speak won't make the voters go crazy. I cause excessive nose bleeds all around the school because my English is fuckin' awesome. Yeah.

All the schoolwork, homework, this and that. Yeah, I've got that to worry about too. As far as I can remember, I've got three sets of homework due by tomorrow and more campaigning the same day. I can't forget boxing as well, I do this all for the sake of boxing. And music, oh God my guitar and the singing and the practicing just to get better too. Life is hectic.

I've got it all under control though, nothing to worry about. I'm Superman.

I'd make a really nice, long post but I don't have school today 'cause of the incoming storm. I'm going back to sleep, I've got plans after lunch, rain or shine.

ku yakin inilah waktunya.

wherefore art thou? :(

admittedly, subliminally.

For as long as I can remember, I've always believed that it's better to speak your mind and be straightforward than to just sugar coat everything with sympathy. As far as I know, sympathy never got you anything or anywhere except for self satisfaction, self pity. People get used to sympathy. It's just life. Sympathy is just a nicer way of saying someone feels bad about you. I don't know, it's just how I think.

Aside from that, I've also always thought that it's better to speak the harsh truth than to cover everything up with lies. A vast majority of people are just far too scared to face the truth, to face reality. It's going to hurt, but there's no gain without pain. If you can't face the harshness of life itself, then how the hell do you expect to survive?

Covering yourself up with lies to protect yourself from getting hurt is just pathetic. Sugarcoating yourself with sympathy doesn't make anything any better either. It just wastes your time. All these 'defense mechanisms' to protect yourself? All this negativity you surround yourself in? Don't waste your time.

Hah, I know I've talked about and posted about this before... But for someone like me, it's going to be something I need to face each and everyday. Entering a completely different lifestyle and culture, it's a fact that it shouldn't be them who should adjust to me but me who should adjust to them as unfair as it is (Although it'd be so much better if it were the other way around).

I have a habit to speak my mind and not realize I'm already hurting others with what I'm saying. As harsh as that is, that is who I am. I'm not going to change for anyone around here because I'm just not sensitive that way. I just don't care. It's so hard to live in a mindset where you can find nobody around you who can understand you, what more be able to be on level with what you're thinking of or talking about.

It's unfair, but it's the harsh truth, and like everyone out there, the harsh truth is something I've got to face too.

when the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound.

'tis another 14th of July. How fast time flies.

I just can't move forward without taking two steps back.

Preliminaries are going on and I've been on edge since it's started.

School's great nonetheless. Being with people my age makes things worthwhile.

I've got 3 papers left before this thing ends.

Then it's back to normal. Prelims are fun.

Life's good, but still incomplete.

It's a long way to infinity.

while the image of you shatters and fades away, i still scramble to pick up the pieces.

There's roughly 7 billion people in the world. Roughly 3.5 billion of that are the women. There are so many women... So many different kinds of women. No, I don't wanna talk about all 3.5 billion of them, I just want to talk about ones I've seen or met from my point of view. Don't judge me from what I'm about to talk about, I know I'm bashing on some women and I sure as hell know not all of you are like this, but hey, you wouldn't be offended if you weren't one of them.

I've gotten to know quite a number of women in school in the very short time I've been there. I'm not naming fingers or pointing names, I'm just speaking in general that some girls are... well, evil in a way. Some girls are like bad habits. In tagalog, we call it 'bisyo'. Like smoking or drinking, they'll give you satisfaction, they'll make you feel good... But in the long run, they'll trip you up, they'll steer you wrong, and they will hurt you bad. Worst of all, you just can't help but keep coming back 'cause they make you feel good, 'cause you think you're happy and satisfied.. 'cause you're addicted.

These kinds of women, stay VERY far away from them. They're just going to use you, take advantage of you, and when they're done using the hell out of you, they're just going to disappear and forget you even exist. They are not going to feel bad about it, because they get what they wanted out of you,so it's a lose-lose situation for us men. Now, seeing just how many women are like this in school just scares me. You can trust no one but yourself when it comes down to who you're friends with, so pick your friends... And choose wisely.

There are other kinds of girls too. Some of them are quiet, kind, mysterious... But most of the time just plain clueless. There are some who are loud, obnoxious, and attention seeking... but all that aside they're just really dim. There are also those who are in every aspect nice to you... until you have your back turned. Some who just plain look down on you, some who just think they're far better than anyone else, some who just always need to be in the spotlight, some who just gossip till their asses fall off, some who have no asses, some who are not even worth talking to because of their bitch attitude.

This is the worst aspect you could possibly see in a woman, and not all of them are like that, but hell, there are only a handful who aren't. When you get one who isn't... Well, evil in general, don't let her go, because they're the ones who are just worth your time be it friend, special someone or family. The point of this post is that no matter how horrible you think someone is, be nice anyway... Just be on guard, and don't let them take advantage of you. There is never a good reason to be bad, nor is there ever a good reason to not be nice to someone.

Now with all this on women, I wouldn't say men are any different. We're all just as bad as everyone is, not one of us here is 'clean'. Not anymore.

---

I've gotten out of shape, mainly because I've been sick for weeks now, and it only got worse a couple of days ago. I want so badly to get back to boxing, but I can't until I get rid of the sickness. I don't get sick easily, I'm pretty sure of that... But when I do get sick, it's pretty bad most of the time. As of right now, I've gotten better, but the headache's still there. Aside from that, I've been doing better than usual everywhere else over the last couple of weeks. A little complacency would be nice, but I just don't feel anywhere near satisfied yet.

do you feel like every song is still yours?

I feel much better now. So much better in fact I think I may be ready to get back to boxing after stopping for... 4 days. That's a pretty long time for me okay! The weather's been really nice to me nowadays as well. Not too hot, not too cold either.. I guess everything's just been falling to place. I don't know about some people but I think I'm going to enjoy college a little bit more than other people have expected. STI Las Piñas Got Talent Auditions are tomorrow. After much contemplation, I've decided that I WANT to join the Singing Idol portion of the thing. I hope I get through those auditions alright, I don't know how these things go except the fact that I'm supposed to sing in front of some people and get judged.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. I miss so badly those days that always ended with you.

you're the only light i think i ever saw.

I'm feeling really sick. I've got a cough that feels like it could turn me inside out, a dripping flu on the side and a headache mixed with some fever in between. They say I'm suffering from fatigue. Too much work, too little rest. I guess that's what happened. The last two weeks have been great to be quite honest.

School's going fine, everything from work to friends are new and it's put some new light into life, which is all good. I've only been in school for a week, and so much for first impressions, I take all that back. My class is pretty good. Aside from life in college, life at home is going fine too. I'd have to say life is going quite well, but now there's just far too many things to do, and far too little time to do it all. For now, it's just one step at a time.

New things are coming in, but old things just don't seem to want to come out.

It's been ages, but I'm not changing. I still don't think I want to.

One step at a time.

complacency.

I have lost my composure. I need to get back into focus.

i may be away, but never gone.

Have you ever watched the news, rode the bus and looked out the window, or walked down the street and looked at other people? Not just look and acknowledge they're there, but look in a way that you're examining every aspect of who they are from your point of view. A really horrible thing to do is to look down on others. I was on the bus headed home when I watched the news and saw the situation other people were in after the storm, flooded or not. It looked so depressing to see so much suffering and despair from other people. Just because people are in a more unfortunate situation compared to us doesn't mean they're any lesser of a human being than we are.

It didn't look nice. At all. Some help the less fortunate without thinking twice, and some don't even look twice and act like nothing's happening. There's a fine line between generous and human doormat slash pushover. Some people are just really that generous and sympathetic towards others, it's something that others take advantage of. Have you ever thought that some people are just that sympathetic and giving to people who don't have what they have? Some people don't like it.

It's wrong to feel bad or feel pity for another because their issues and dilemmas are not supposed to be yours to deal with, it's theirs... But that doesn't mean you only help people out of pity. There shouldn't be a reason behind why you give and help others, you should just do so as an act of selflessness. We're all naturally selfish, there are those times I know. It's just that because of that, some people mistake most acts of generosity and selflessness for acts of pity or being condescended.

Everyone's got their own sense of pride, after all, one of the hardest things for us human beings to do is admit we need help. I'll admit, I'd rather do things myself and make mistakes along the way, than asking another for help and getting it done right the first time. I mean, where's the lesson there? In my own honest opinion, you just don't get anything productive out of help except for getting the easy way out of things.

I don't know where this post is going. Maybe it's just me venting my frustrations to be heard, or just a compilation of my point of view on certain things, or just random babbling. I feel sorry for the people who are suffering because of the flood, I feel annoyed at the people who just don't care about the unfortunate, and I'm angry at myself, feeling as if I'm just not doing anything productive even though I know I am doing so one way or the other.

It just feels so empty sometimes, y'know?

inner light, under star.

The first day of college was pretty good. Finally getting my chance to stick around with people in my age group has done some good... and some bad throughout the day. My first impression of my class and school life 'to be' wasn't what I expected. I didn't really expect much, but it went better than I thought it would have. Everyone's got their own group of friends, while I'm the social outcast sitting around waiting for class to start and end. I don't mind, I don't have to deal with any bullshit from anyone except for my own.

I'd be lying if I said I liked my class. I found most of them fucking annoying, attention seeking, inconsiderate and exceedingly arrogant.. But who am I to judge? It's only been a day. I guess we'll see how things go after a month or so. I've got uniforms and all that already, so I guess it's time I adapt for real. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it was fucking hilarious. Aside from my instructor calling prosthetic limbs "a prostesic" and a few classmates trying so hard to speak fancy English, they've got good senses of humor. Let's see how I do after a month. :)

~~~

Okay, I'm in the mood for some cheese. Here's something I came up with as I went along with it:

I could sit around and sing songs about you and me all day. I could talk and rant about you forever and a day to anyone who'd give me a chance. The first and last thing on my mind would be all you, just wondering how you are. Thinking, if we took a different step somewhere before all this, would we have been any different than how we are now? Hoping, you'll hear my calls for you to come back. Having faith, that through all the distance standing in between, you're still somewhere out there with me on your mind, and in your heart. I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you I was fine with everything going down, but I'd be lying to myself if I told you I don't love you anymore.

I'm still on my feet, are you? I just thought you should know.

That's enough for now. Speak and be heard, fear will only hold us back.

you've no clue what you do.

I was supposed to leave to go boxing 5 minutes ago. The rain decided to kick in 5 minutes ago.

I'm waiting for my wraps to dry and the rain to stop long enough for me to walk to the gym.

Y'know, I think I might as well wait for lunch too.

~~~

I was on last night reading my friends' blogs. I like going through their archives and looking back at how and what they used to talk about and be like, to how and what they are now. Things change too much, too fast. I did the same thing to my blog. Back then I'd be talking about games, hangouts with friends and cheesy or funny stuff I find interesting. Now, I'd be ranting about what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, the good, the bad and everything in between.

What I did after that? I deleted it all. My posts back then to my posts now still have a slight similarity in them, but majority of it is just far too different, something I wouldn't call me anymore. I'm proud of how much I've grown compared to before. I feel so much more... Aware. Aware of all the shit around me, and all the shit inside me. You gotta enjoy things like that, it's interesting really.

What I don't get is that whenever someone has a blog, I do not see why they need to put it in private settings. To me, a blog is something you can use to speak out. To be heard. You don't trap everything you say and feel into a box, you'll waste all the color in your words. Let it free, don't be afraid of what others will think or the criticism you're going to get. Nobody thinks like you so be proud of what you think. You're going to get hit by negativity and criticism every now and again, you've just got to take things as they come and take it to your advantage. Why waste all that good thinking and cover it up from everyone hm?

It'd be understandable if it were really private, but things like that aren't things most would blog about unless they've got the balls to do it. People have journals for that. Then again, I wouldn't want my whole life being read and understood by another. I don't want to be an easy-read. I want to be something people just can't figure out, someone hard to crack. I don't want people to know what makes me tick. That's for me to know and you people to find out, capisce?

Yes, blogging is showing bits and pieces of me and what makes me tick, but that's only a small fraction of who I am. That doesn't mean you're uncovering all of me bit by bit by just reading post after post. Tough luck, bro.

~~~

The rain's stopped. Lunch's nearly done. My wraps are dry. Boxing soon, I'll blog again later.

Here's something to think about for the day:

"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action."

we were just kids in love.

My first day as a college freshman starts in about 3 days. Oh man, I'm going to miss being a bum. It's actually a good thing that I won't be bumming around anymore though. It's time I started doing something productive for myself after being a genuine bum for the last 6 months. Just imagine, 6 months. Bumming around the Philippines. Just where has all the time gone?

As much as I'm going to miss bumming, I've got to start adjusting to my schedule, routines and all that starting tomorrow at least. I've got half my uniforms (Well, the pants are XL sized and they still don't fit me. Now because of that, Lola thinks the people who study there are probably pygmies) and no books or anything school related whatsoever. I just don't know how I'm going to get through the first day. I don't care though, it's just that I hate awkwardness. It disturbs me.

Aside from settling most of my business with school, I went out to have one last she-bang before I start school. I went to ATC to watch Super 8, and get a cake from DQ using gift certificates. The movie was pretty good, I enjoyed it. There were those really funny scenes, good actions sequences along with some tear jerkers. It just wasn't enough to "move" me though. Before the movie started, I looked like a complete slob having a bag of popcorn so big I had to hug it with one arm to carry it around, and a HUGE cup of iced tea bigger than my forearm.

Life's been good to me the last couple of days. Better than usual actually. That may be so but I'm taking things one step at a time, nobody's chasing me so I've no reason to rush. A new chapter of my life starts soon, I wonder what's in store..