i have died everyday waiting for you.

Treat your girl right, bro. Plain and simple.
I know it can be hard to please her sometimes, but it’s worth it in the end. Remember that she’s your happiness, your world. She should be the first person you talk to in the morning, and the last person you whisper “Good night” to. Unlike some of your bros, she’s going to be there for you when you’re the happiest, but more importantly, when you’re at your lowest. She’ll cook for you and care for you, so treat her like a queen. Girls are delicate creatures. Think before you say. Think before you act. They take every little mistake you make and multiply it by a thousand. So try not to mess up, aight? When you’re fighting, sometimes it’s better to put your relationship before your own pride. You’re not helping yourself by making her upset, bro. And never, ever, under any condition, let her go to sleep crying. She’ll resent you for it for the rest of your days. Don’t forget to make her feel special everyday. Open doors, go shopping with her. Hell, make dinner for her! The more you show her you love her, the more she’ll give you in return. Remember that an “I love you” via text is never as special as one in person. And show her off to your bros, don’t be ashamed of her. She’s never been ashamed of your dorky ass. Look, she doesn’t really need much in a relationship; she just wants to feel like she matters to you. That’s not asking for much, bro.But if you haven’t learned a thing from reading this, remember this. Love her unconditionally, loyally, and keep her close. Love her with everything you’ve got: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because I swear, if you won’t treat your girl right, someone else definitely will.

fragile.

Love. It's the ability to move around and adapt with the flaws and mistakes of someone special, accepting them for who they are and still want to be with them regardless all those flaws. To accomplish that is love because love is an action, not a feeling.

hati sejati.

I'd be asleep by now if it weren't for this woman. She goes by many names, but she's Mae to me. She's got a lot of 'spunk' for such a fragile human being, but that's what makes her stand out in my opinion. If you aren't acquainted with her, you would never know just how badass she could be. I'm going to start this post off by how I met such a pretty girl. It was a dark and stormy evening (not really) when I received an anonymous message. A couple of messages later and the rest was history. Yes, just like that. Actually, it doesn't end there. From that point onwards, she was the person I'd somehow end up having a conversation with every night.

Conversations with her are never dull, in my own honest opinion. Why, you ask? It's because there's always something new to talk about with her. She's the kind of girl who knows just how to keep me entertained being someone who gets bored fast. Most of the time, we just end up debating on who's more awesome than who or who's the better person, but our conversations aren't shallow and pointless like most. I learn a lot from her in one way or the other, which is why I find her so interesting.

Aside from being interesting, she intimidates me. All she has to do is raise an eyebrow at you and give you this 'look' and you know you're screwed if you were to try anything funny. Unlike most, she isn't the kind who'd be intimidated by me. Maybe not because she isn't scared, but because she's just really, really fragile inside. As she can be really sensitive, the slightest comment could either make her or break her on certain occasions. I've always said that whenever there's someone or something fragile around, there is nothing else you must do but to handle said thing or person with tender loving care.

Speaking of TLC, she's really feminine too. Like, really. She always flicks her hair around and walks around with her arms sticking out in a posh manner swirling 'em around. I don't know why, but I'm going to guess it's a girl thing. Going back to her sensitive side, she's scared of getting hurt (who isn't anyway?) and making mistakes. I like her just the way she is, but if there was one way she'd be even better, it'd be the fact that she should just stop holding herself back with fear most of the time.

 I could go on talking about her, but some things are better left unsaid (either that or it's because there are some things I want to keep just between me and her, it's more special that way). She asked for me to make a post about her, and she got it. A pretty girl like her looks at the world full of faith, restricted by her own fear and self-imposed rules. I've got a long line of things to say but I'll leave it at: You amaze me.

"Be satisfied with what you have."

- Mae.

inner light, under star.

The first day of college was pretty good. Finally getting my chance to stick around with people in my age group has done some good... and some bad throughout the day. My first impression of my class and school life 'to be' wasn't what I expected. I didn't really expect much, but it went better than I thought it would have. Everyone's got their own group of friends, while I'm the social outcast sitting around waiting for class to start and end. I don't mind, I don't have to deal with any bullshit from anyone except for my own.

I'd be lying if I said I liked my class. I found most of them fucking annoying, attention seeking, inconsiderate and exceedingly arrogant.. But who am I to judge? It's only been a day. I guess we'll see how things go after a month or so. I've got uniforms and all that already, so I guess it's time I adapt for real. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it was fucking hilarious. Aside from my instructor calling prosthetic limbs "a prostesic" and a few classmates trying so hard to speak fancy English, they've got good senses of humor. Let's see how I do after a month. :)

~~~

Okay, I'm in the mood for some cheese. Here's something I came up with as I went along with it:

I could sit around and sing songs about you and me all day. I could talk and rant about you forever and a day to anyone who'd give me a chance. The first and last thing on my mind would be all you, just wondering how you are. Thinking, if we took a different step somewhere before all this, would we have been any different than how we are now? Hoping, you'll hear my calls for you to come back. Having faith, that through all the distance standing in between, you're still somewhere out there with me on your mind, and in your heart. I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you I was fine with everything going down, but I'd be lying to myself if I told you I don't love you anymore.

I'm still on my feet, are you? I just thought you should know.

That's enough for now. Speak and be heard, fear will only hold us back.

we're like fire and gasoline.

Y'know, sometimes I just do not get it. Although it has absolutely nothing to do with me, I find people who are just so overly... mushy with people they 'love' utterly disgusting. I know I shouldn't meddle with other people's business nor should I bash their interests just because I think it's fucking stupid, hilarious and nasty all at the same time on my end, but it just weirds me out y'know?

Here I was, doing my thing online (lurking and just creeping in and out of pages) when I decided to check up on my Facebook. I had a look at my notifications to see 2 game requests which I ignored. My attention then went to the news feed, where the top stories were things I've already seen so I thought I'd look at what's been most recent in my news feed (I nearly typed food. I must be hungry) and there I saw it.

A "friend" of mine (to be quite honest, I haven't the slightest clue who the fuck the person is. Hahahaha) was spamming the crap out of Facebook with the lamest cheesiest ass quotes in the world onto his status... Every minute. At first I thought, 'why the hell am I even friends with this guy?' before rolling my eyes like there was no tomorrow.

To be honest, I was like that before. REALLY, really like that (eh). I can get REALLY cheesy and mushy at times, but I AT LEAST NOW don't overdo it. Y'know that famous saying: 'too much is NEVER a good thing' ... Yeah, well that applies to this too. I mean, it's nice and all showing all your love and affection to your 'persona especial' and there's nothing wrong with that but for the love of God, please calm the fuck down, it's not like you're married already.

A little affection to someone special every now and again is nice, just don't overdo it. Be it a subliminal message, or a simple sentence and whatnot. It gets old, and that's what some people don't realize when they do shit too much. In the end, they'll just take all that shit for granted. You don't just say things like that. Things like that are important, valuable, and really fucking awesome. To overuse it just loses its meaning and value.

Would you rather have someone that just tells you they love you every 5 minutes, or have someone that shows you rarely, but makes each and every one of it special and valuable? That's why it disgusts me to see people that are this way. They just don't know the true value of such things.

Now tell me, just how much are you worth?

ku katakan dengan indah.

The Rapture didn't go as everyone planned. I'm not bragging or anything but this is the 5th end of the world I've survived to date. What's up? Aside from surviving the end of the world (again), I haven't really done much lately.

I'm usually up till around 4AM with a naps in between (nobody stops me anyway so I can't be fucked to sleep early unless I feel like it. I'll do what I want k) just playing games online or just watching videos and listening to music on Youtube. When 4AM hits, I usually just crash into bed and clean up my mess when I wake up. I don't share a room with anyone anymore so it's cool and all.

Of course there's that shit your pants thrill of someone just randomly peeking into your window at 2AM (huge windows, no curtains) what with all the noises going on outside. There was that one time I freaked myself out thinking my T-shirt hanging on the closet was some dude standing next to me but.. Yeah, let's not talk about that.

I haven't gone out exploring like I usually did ever since I got back from the province. Most of the time, I'd be at home playing bum and annoying the fuck out of everyone in the house with my moodswings. I bet there'll be another one in about 5 minutes. I miss just going out whenever I please enjoying the outside world, I can do that but there is no motivation to anymore. I guess I've gotten used to the Philippines.

That being said, I still do go out every 2 days though. I'd be in the boxing gym 4 times a week at most, but I usually just end up going 3 times a week nowadays. That doesn't count as exploring since it's a routine. I'd go boxing, do the 3 hour routine they give me and go back home.

Back at home, there wouldn't be anything productive to do after dinner. Each and everyone has their own thing, mine would be killing time on the PS2 or just playing the guitar, whatever floats my boat. At the end of each day (4AM for me), I just crash into bed, take a glimpse at my very unused phone and stare at the ceiling for a couple of minutes and "think" till I fall asleep.

Y'know what? Don't think, feel. It may be a very mental universe, but thinking in one will just drive you up the wall. Just feel your way through it all, and take things as they come. I'm not saying thinking is a bad thing, but there's a right time for that. The hardest thing to do in the world is to think and sometimes, some things just aren't cut out for thinking about. In boxing, the moment you try to think of what to do, that's when you lose. A human being can only do so much, thinking and fighting at the same time isn't one of them.

Have you ever loved and thought about it all? If you can think of it, if you can explain it, if you can fucking put it in your head and let people judge what you feel and tell you how they see it, then that isn't love. Love isn't a thought. You can't put love into a thought... But you can feel it.

The love, the feelings, the thoughts, whatever shit they may be, they're yours. Not mine, not anybody else's. Don't let ANYBODY, I don't give a fuck if it's the damn king of the world, nobody has the right to tell you what to think, what to feel, and what to do. To live is the rarest thing in the world, don't let another take that away from you.

The famous latin phrase from the poem of Horace, CARPE DIEM; Seize the day.

I love boxing, making music, playing the guitar and singing my guts out. I love staring at the stars, eating baked macaroni, crying my heart out because it feels good, and laughing my ass off because I can. I bite my nails, I'm afraid of bugs, I have diabetic tendencies and I'm an asshole to strangers. I'm in love with a girl who's older than me, who's so far away, who I can't be with, and I'm in love because I am, I don't know why and I don't need to know why, I just do.

You can think, feel and do whatever you want, it's a free world. To live by another's rules and not your own isn't living; that's living a lie.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't give a rat's ass what others think when it comes to what I want, what I do, and what I feel. It's mine, nobody else's. It's a big universe, make your own damn it.

give me a sign.

My blog is a place where I keep my thoughts and opinions, some memories and reminders, and a SMALL bit of what goes on in my mind for people to see in a form of words. It's all me and there is no other. I like to give, and for my satisfaction, I express myself here. I give myself my own world and my own piece of mind here (Yeah, and people say I don't have my own world). No, I don't suffer from Alexithymia where I have a difficulty expressing feelings to other people, but yes I do have a tendency to have a hard time expressing myself unless if it were in a form of chatting or typing mainly because it just feels all the more simpler and less intense.

You're entitled to judge my sentiments and whatever I put in here according to your point of view, it's yours and yours alone and you can bloody keep it for all I care because I don't give a rat's ass about other people's criticism towards what I think, what came from me, what makes me who I am. There is nothing wrong with what you think, it comes from you, why would you think it's wrong in the first place?

Oh, by the way, the 14th of May was a pretty good day for me. It's 1 minute to the 15th of May, but whatever it's all good. Anyway, my day comprised of video games, mangoes and bananas, lots of lifting and a very worthwhile conversation with a relative. As you can read above, I've been talking about me, myself and I. Vain, self-centered or narcissistic as you may call it, at least I know where I stand. Always remember that you should never judge where you stand from another person's point of view. That's what I've been trying to say, read up. Don't get it? Let me clarify.

You have your life, your shit. Now, if you look at your shit from another person's point of view, wouldn't that make it their opinion of your shit? How would you feel taking someone's opinion of your bowels as your own? Doesn't that make you a photocopy, a fake, a lie? Don't be ashamed of yourself, "You are who you are and that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is you-er than you" so Dr. Seuss says.

Your life, your shit. It's a universal understanding. If you don't get it, you probably aren't universal or whatever.. Scratch that. I was kidding, that made no sense. Going back to the topic, you should always, ALWAYS believe in yourself. Don't let another person tell you how to live your life, think of it and live it your way. In the end, when everything disappears, there will be nobody standing next to you, just you and your shit (I've really got to stop using shit as a metaphor, sorry).

Referring to my past post: "You don't need anybody or anything apart from yourself to be happy", yes that may be true, but that does not mean you can't have anybody or anything apart from yourself. If another person disagrees with something that has to do with you, or is against something from you, that's their shit, not yours. Don't feel bad now, they can either live with it or shove it up their ass anyway.

Concluding this post, don't let your life depend on another, don't let someone tell you how to live your life, and most of all, believe and you will achieve. It's your way or the highway, go out and live. Oh, and before you judge another person's life and how they're running it, take a good look at yourself first. When your shit becomes someone else's shit, you get into some deep shit so- OKAY I'll stop now. That, dear reader, is another story.

---

A whole month now, three weeks since. I know I'm stubborn, I know I'm still holding on, and I know I haven't given up yet but fuck what other people think, they cannot see what I see nor can they feel what I feel. I'm done thinking of what could have been, I'm thinking of what could be.. What could still be. In the words of Nico SB, an uncle and a brother by heart and blood:

"Believe, man. All you gotta do is believe it's still possible and it will be."

strangers.

"If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders."

I was lurking around tumblr like I usually did and I stumbled upon a photo that said that. It's been said that no matter what confusion or disagreement you may have between your heart and your mind, in the end the heart always follows the mind. Then I thought, "where is my heart right now?" and funnily enough, it was in my body pumping blood to cir- okay, just kidding. I did actually think of that though.

In my opinion, your heart is never usually with you. Have you ever noticed that every time someone mentions "your heart", your mind wanders to a certain somebody in an instant? It's either that or it wanders to the deepest pool of your desires. That's when you truly know you really want that something... Or you're just really fucking confused and insecure with your life not knowing what you really want yet. *hollow laughter*

Well, I know what I want. I've this itch to talk about what I want anyway, so let's roll with this post. I WANT... food right now. I just can't be fucked to get up and get some in the kitchen right n- okay, okay. In all seriousness, I want to make it BIG, to go sky high. Like, to infinity and beyond.

I've always wanted to be a kick-ass famous musician. I want to be that someone standing in front of thousands, wait no, to hell with that... MILLIONS chanting my name, playing a #1 single with MY band, with pyrotechnics going off in key moments of our performance, sweat and tears running through everybody's system, fog and those bright lights. The bright lights pointing to infinity and beyond.

"... That's so Bon Jovi."

HAHA. Hey, it's a dream I'm willing to go to any lengths for. A guy can dream, can't he? That's what I want, and getting there is in the palm of my hands... Just like how everything is in your hands when it comes to getting to your desires, too.

Fun fact: I want to get a tattoo that goes under my collar bone, or maybe on my forearm. I want it to say: ad infinitum. Now, that is awesome.

Okay, this post has gotten out of hand. It went from a tumblr post, to the heart, to what I want, to tattoos. This is madness.

you can rewrite and erase anything.

"The Moon forms an uncomfortable semisquare with your key planet Venus today, tying your feelings up in knots. A simple desire becomes more complex as you obsess about the power that love has over you. However, your worries may just be the result of an overactive imagination. Don't waste time thinking about something that may never happen. You'll be happier if you keep your attention on the present moment."

"The Moon's semisquare with Venus intensifies emotions right now as the power of love overtakes you. Stay in the moment rather than give in to your imagination."

I swear, sometimes I just fucking hate horoscopes. "Thinking about something that may never happen"? Fuck that, it may never happen, but there's still a chance that it will. Stubborn me says I will kick ass to get that something. I will move heaven and hell for it. Oh yeah.

Rant conclusion: I will not give up or give in. I will hope and believe.

THANK YOU *bow*

woosah.

If it were up to you, would you listen to what everyone around you is telling you? The cold, hard facts they state... Or would you rather listen to the things being said in your head? The thoughts and feelings you believe in?

Don't get me wrong, I've hit mind-blowing decisions like these. You will either be put down by the facts, or will be lifted off the ground by your beliefs. I was just curious, what decision would you have made?

Facts are pieces of information known to exist by evidence or demonstration. They are things you can't go against, because no matter which side or angle you look at it, it's the truth and nothing but the truth. There is no hint of lie in a fact, it is what it is and there is nothing you can do about it.

Beliefs are the mental acceptances of and conviction in the truth. The faith and trust you have to what you know and what you think is true. The side and angle that only your eyes can see, regardless whether it is a lie or not. It is what you think it is and only you influence it, nobody else.

Now that you know the base of each side, which side will you be standing by? The side with all the facts fed by everyone else, or the side with all the faith you have in yourself? Tough luck, this shit's not easy. Let us give a scenario.

The best and most painful scenario you could possibly think of would be the one within a relationship. Speaking from a guy's point of view, you meet this nice, kind lady. After getting acquainted well enough, the chase begins. Days pass, she slowly becomes the person you want to keep talking to, the one you want to get to know more and more and the person you want to be with all at the same time. Soon after, girl admits her feelings for you too. You both hit stage 3 and label yourselves as a 'couple'.

Given that the last few weeks were probably the best couple of days you've ever had for a while, now that you're together, it's as if you're on cloud 9. You'd go out with your girlfriend, you'd have the best time ever. Only you can see it, feel it and actually be with it. That notion where it's as if everything within and around you is at peace, because you're actually truly happy. You know it won't last all day, but at least at that moment in time, even if it was just for a bit, you actually were.. And it was great.

Everything felt great. You'd talk and talk, and you'd both never run out of things to say. You were so comfortable with each other that even a moment of silence between the both of you would not feel the slightest bit awkward or disturbing. Everything you would say to each other would be understood to the very base of the word, without explanation. The best feeling in the world is the one where you know that someone is right there who understands you word for word, who cares about you, and that no matter where she may be out there in the world, she is thinking of you just as you are thinking of her.

You'd have a stupid grin on when you get home. You'd be so motivated to do anything because you're so full of energy. All those times with her, your inside jokes, your similarities and differences that fit so well together, how you both are said to always be blooming and just glowing with positive energy when together... And then all that just suddenly comes crashing down when you least expect it. Shattered completely.

The next stage of this story comes forth and takes place when you get "facts" from friends and family that everything was lie. That through observation, facts and stories compiled and analyzed, they saw that everything was a lie. You did not see it coming. At all. So, you were told: She lied about her feelings to get to you. She initiated this "relationship" to her advantage so she could get what she wanted out of somebody, that somebody being you.

That she toyed with your emotions. She toyed with your whole relationship and time with her to get what she wanted out of you. She lied and faked it all. What hurts the most is that after hearing all those facts, each and every fact had evidence to prove it all true. That after all that, you just don't know what was real and what wasn't anymore. What's true, and what isn't. What's right, and what's wrong. Everything that actually meant something to you, that even for a moment made you feel infinite, just withered away to nothing all of a sudden.

You just knew and felt your friends and family had good intentions, not meaning any harm or selfish reasons. They just really wanted to protect you from getting any more damaged and hurt as it is. You can't help but agree to that, because you know that's true. However, was what was between you and her, between the two of you and only the two of you, supposed to be something they should have meddled in and caused this issue?

Deep inside all the confusion, you just can't believe it because it sure as hell didn't feel that way. If it were even the slightest bit that way, you would have at least felt something. But no, you didn't. You just somehow knew that through all those laughs and smiles you looked right into her eyes and could've sworn, it was not fake. It was not a lie. It was all true. You could feel it rushing inside you that there is something wrong but you just can't lay your finger on the fact that it's her that was.

That silence, never running out of things to say, laughing and enjoying each other's company. That moment where you looked into each other's eyes and felt a zing in your stomach and goosebumps all over, because it all felt so right, just so fucking true because eyes can't lie. You just can't believe that all that was a lie. Throughout all that, in the end you were both just separated. Forbidden to see each other again. It all ended prematurely, and you'll never know what her side of the story was, something you'd be dying to hear.

There are things you saw and felt that they sure as hell couldn't, but there are things they saw and felt that you sure as hell didn't.

Now, tell me. Which side would you have listened to if you came to that scenario? Friends and family who've stuck with you through thick and thin, or that feeling of the hint of infinity still rushing inside you from all that's happened? Could it have been a misinterpretation? From yours or theirs? Would you face the facts, or trust your faith in what you believe in?

"The heart will always follow the mind. We all live to learn about ourselves, everybody is just a branch for you to understand and learn about yourself more."

keepsakes and memories.

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time."

- John Mayer

I was lying in bed one day reminiscing on the past, and what's been going on the last couple of weeks. It's been one hell of a party in my head the past couple of days.

I'm not the kind of person who can easily let go of people, keepsakes and other things that have meant a significant value to me in my life. Accepting the fact that I've lost something so dear and important, not to others, but at least to me and in my mind, is something really fucking painful to be honest. I don't really become interested in something easily, nor do I fall for some situations, people and whatsoever... But when I do, I fall pretty fuckin' hard.

When situations like this happen, that line from John Mayer's song comes to mind. One side of me wants to accept it and just move on from all the pain and tears I had to go through, while the other just wants to bear with it and hold on, even if holding on is under every circumstances wrong already. Pain is only temporary.

Stubborn: that's the word. No matter how wrong it is, how bad it will be in the long run, how painful and stupid it could get, I just cannot let some things go. Like I said, I'm not someone who gets attached to anything that easily. You must've done something really impressive if that happened. It's one of the reasons I'm afraid of getting too attached to someone/something, why I keep to myself so much.

I'd hate to admit it, but this is one of the reasons why I am so clingy, needy, overly protective and possessive. Aside from that, there's that habit of easily getting jealous over something. Hey, at least I give a damn, okay. It may not seem like it, but when someone or something becomes important to me, I want to make sure he/she is always happy, always safe and secure. I don't really show it, but I try my best even with just the littlest things to make sure they know that I love them. It's not much, but it's the best I could do. As far as generosity and kindness goes, that's what I do.

Going back to the topic, letting go is never easy. Reader, know better than me and always remember: Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. One side of me goes, "FUCK YES BETTER THINGS FOR ME!" while another just simply says, "why do my good things have to fall apart to become better?". Being blindly optimistic to my 'good things' I'd rather keep them as is than to have them fall apart for something better because I like to think they can be better without having to fall apart.

But you know the one thing I hate the most about letting go of something I've held on to dearly? It's knowing that once I let go, it'll be nothing but a distant memory of what had been and what could've been. Time wouldn't make a difference, be it short or long, real or fake, good or bad... It's the impact they made in your life that matters most of all.

... I'm lost. Back to square one.

should i've known.

'Cause the soul's rock hard but the heart's trapped underneath, and the weight of it all gives enough just to crush the best out of you and me but I swear that there's someone who cares here enough to set us free, and if the world don't turn just enough to bring her honest, then I guess we're better off forgotten.

Sometimes, the right thing to do doesn't necessarily mean it will feel right, because the most difficult thing to do is the right thing. What you want is not the right thing, and the right thing isn't what you want. In the end, you have to consider that sometimes, what you want isn't always what's right, that's why we make mistakes.

all we have is what's left today.

Whenever you're in a relationship, whether you know it or not, there are things you and your significant other follow even if neither one of you discussed having to follow it with the other. I'm no expert when it comes to things like this, but I've picked up a thing or two about relationships and whatnot from friends, family and God knows where else.

Here are some things I've experienced, and was "informed" about (informed because there are things I forget to do too, I'm only human).

Never forget or neglect your responsibilities. Just because things have changed with a certain someone, does not mean everything else will change with it. Don't forget your place in your life, your friends, and your family.

Stick to one. When you're labelled as in a relationship with someone, dating or getting intimate someone else aside from that person is out of the question. Understand that they are yours and you are theirs, not in any material way, but through emotional means. If you don't want to be tied to one person, don't be in a relationship.

Respect. A person has needs, wants, likes, and dislikes and things attached to him/her. Don't diss any of them, that includes his/her friends, family, and material desires. If you want him/her, you have to be able to accept all of him/her.

Trust. A relationship cannot stand side by side together without it because it's all about trust. You can't take risks together, have believable conversations, rely on each other or even cooperate without trust.

Face the consequences. Be sure of your decisions, don't regret anything. It's all or nothing, and if you can't take it all, you can have nothing. In the Philippines, they say: "gawin mo ang gusto mo, pero panindigan mo".

Don't hide anything. Your partner is not just your lover, he/she is also your best friend. Someone you can be yourself with, tell anything and everything to, and enjoy absolutely anything with.

Don't rush things, live in the moment. Who knows what you could miss? Enjoy the little things, sometimes the ones that are overlooked are the ones that matter the most in the end of it all.

Fighting and arguments are good things. They're mistakes that are learned from and improved on, that lead to a deeper, better and stronger relationship with whoever it is you're with.

A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy. It only shows you're cared about, you're wanted, you're loved. You wouldn't be jealous if you didn't care.

Give space once in a while. Some alone time to yourself and your other is a good thing. There'll also be time to miss each other. Just because you're in a relationship with someone does not mean you have to be together every waking second of every day.

No lies. This applies for absolutely EVERYTHING. Do not under any circumstances lie, it's the worst possible thing you could do. You'd be betraying their trust, hiding the reality from them, and spitting on your respect for them, which is probably nothing because.. You lied.

Be proud. He/she is with you and no one else. Show off for all anyone cares, because you have something nobody else does, so to speak. Don't be ashamed of having something to do with them, that's just stupid.

Know the difference. They are not material things you can just have to use for yourself for your satisfaction, attention and enjoyment. They're human beings too. Don't think only about yourself.

Stay classy. You don't have to give everything to your lover, leave some things for yourself. Nothing ever goes the way we think they will, and if your lover disappears, you've got nothing.

Know your priorities. Your priorities are one of the things that should change when you get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Know which should be more important than the other.

There are more to this and that, but I have no intention on putting up the rest because I just either can't put it to words, or I just can't be fucked to bother (I don't really have much time to go online much anymore). I'd love to rant more about it but I'll continue some other time, this seems to be satisfactory for.. let's say, part 1. Have a goodnight, people.

home is where someone thinks of you.

Being your older (but not any more mature) brother, we've been apart for nearly four years now. You're going through a lot and words cannot say just how bad I am as a brother for not being able to be there with you and Mummy as a family right now. I hope this year was no different from your other birthdays, filled with love, joy and excitement, even if I still, four years running, cannot be there to celebrate it with you.

Happy Birthday, dear sister. You mean the whole world, and I miss you so much.

then and now.

AND I QUOTE;

"someone to think of to these songs; someone to say sweet nothings to; someone to think of before i sleep and wake up; someone to say 'i love you' to; someone to call SAYAAANNGGG; someone to tell me "everything's gonna be alright" even if everything's too fucked up; someone to be handsome for; someone to inspire you to be better; someone to give you butterflies when she's around; someone who comments on your facebook page random things just to make you laugh; someone who makes the effort to make you laugh even if you're down; someone who kisses your tears away; someone who gives a fuck about whatever you're up to even if it's useless.. someone.. just someone to be happy just being with me.. to be with me-- not just physically but emotionally.. that special someone i call mine."

the sprinkles on my donut

the whipped cream on my waffle

the cherry on my ice cream

the rainbow after my rain

the star on my every night

the cheese on my sandwich

the lyrics of my song

the syrup on my pancake

the icing on my cupcake

the picture of my album

the beat of my drum

the rhythm on my guitar

the apple of my eye

the sugar in my coffee

the jill on my hill

the law in my physics

the anatomy in my biology

the reaction in my chemistry

the spelling in my english

the equation on my math

the balance in my account

the program in my computer

the tweet on my twitter

the post on my blog

the status on my facebook

the pm on my msn

the highlight of my weekend

the day of my week

the breath in my lungs

the voice in my head

the ink on my pen

the scribble on my paper

the note in my locker

the doodle on my arm

the girl of my dreams

the smile in my happiness

the love in my life

the every waking second of my every fucking day.

---

I was reading my past posts on this blog. This is how cheesy I was years ago. 2 years ago, to be exact. I still am. I also realized just how different I think now compared to back then. It's hilarious how I get this "holy shit" reaction whenever I find something that brings back memories as to how I was back then. It's all just so different now. Then again, I'm a sucker for cheesy things up till now. Some things don't change.

---

welcome to the world, izaq.

i was small.

i was innocent.

i was mistaken for a girl, too.

i was fair.

i dressed up pretty fancy back then.

but we all grow each and every day.

then we start rebelling.

i tried cross-dressing, never worked.

young, stupid and reckless. still am.

my diabetic tendencies.

after a while, we hit puberty.

we all go through that punk stage.

there's that emo stage too.

we start seeking for freedom and excitement.

we become self conscious and corrupted along the way.

we start noticing the opposite sex too.

but we still keep growing through them all.

I've grown quite a bit haven't I? I'm not done growing yet. :)

heartbreak to infinity.

A month and a half ago, I was lying in bed the whole afternoon thinking of what to do when all this came slamming into my head. I put it in my iTouch to remember. Just putting it up for you all to read ;)

Heartbreak. Have you ever had the feeling of heartbreak before? Being rejected from your feelings because the other doesn't feel the same way? The feeling of heartbreak because the person you're in love with loves someone else? It's like having ice cream on a cone, but the ice cream fell off. It's like breaking your favorite toy, or losing your favorite shirt because it's too small.

Heartbreak comes in many shapes and forms, but the heartbreak found in a relationship isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the teeny tiny heartbreak you get when you see a person you somewhat have a crush on either way, but you're too out of their league to even have a chance.

Of course that has got to suck big time but that small ray of hope, a silver lining thinking: even against all odds, above all differences and dilemmas stopping you, you can't help but surrender to the fact that your optimism thinks you've still got a chance in the world no matter how small.

Yeah, it's not much of a chance, more or less a miracle if it could happen, it being you and this person becoming a "thing". That leads us to the fact that all human beings would risk getting hurt, risk everything they've got or even give their lives for a small chance, a way or a lead to be... infinite.

Isn't that what we're all fighting for in life? To be infinite? The phrase "to be infinite", what is it exactly? To be in love? To be happy? To be full of yourself? No? Well, I'd have to say being infinite could mean different to one and the same with the next. Whatever that may be, each and every person has their own point of view of what infinite is, and/or what that path to infinity will be for them. Whatever that may be, we all want the same thing, to be infinite.

So that brings us back to our topic of the tiny heartbreak with a person way out of your league that doesn't even know you're in love with them. Wait, love?

So you "love" this person, what does that mean? Does it mean unconditionally, till death do you part, forever and always? Does it mean you like them or you're interested? Or maybe it just means you're infatuated with lust or maybe you're just so fucking turned on by this person? Who knows.

Everyone's got their own way of thinking what the word "love" means for them. That brings us back to the point of infinity, where everyone's got their own definition of what that infinity could be.

That gives us the conclusion that being infinite and being in love are alike. Whatever they may be, depending on how one sees it, love and infinity could be two different things, or two similar things and maybe even to some, they could be one thing altogether. In that case, what we're all risking our lives for, what we're fighting for, what we're giving our blood, sweat and tears for... Is to be loved.

Conclusion? To be loved, is to be infinite. Love is infinite.

And for that heartbreak dilemma? Let's just put it as the great phrase coming from The Beatles: All You Need Is Love. Let love lead your path to infinity. A little thinking, some honesty, a ray of hope, a pinch of courage and a whole lot of love: that's all there is to be infinite.