i'm writing this down, and wishing you well.

"Seventeen and Invincible"

- Boys Like Girls

Just about a year away from freedom, I still feel indifferent. According to my birth certificate, I am. According to my head, I'm not. It's been stated clearly that the moment I come of age, no matter what stunt I pull or what decision I make, it's solely my responsibility and nobody can tell me off or get pissed or whatever. My life, my shit after all. Then again, that's nice and all but it's a year away.

I'd hate to admit it, but I'm excited for that moment to show up. Being a legal adult, the restraints and bonds from parents and authority figures are broken and the only real authority anyone has on me will be moot. Heck I'll be the only one with authority over myself, how great would that be?

There are still those times where I think twice about this though. As excited as I am, I don't want to rush it. Life's going by just fine although things could be better. Things could always be better, after all a human being's satisfaction is a bottomless pit. I mean, weighing out all the pros and cons, it would mean a lot of different things.

I'd have more responsibilities. I'd be in charge of anything that had to do with me. I'd have obligations that only I will be able to do, and there will certainly be things that just wouldn't fall under the category of awesome once you're an adult. It's fucking scary, that's what it is.

All that aside, things are just always scarier than they seem the first time. The first step is always the hardest. There are still quite a handful of benefits from that too, and who doesn't like benefits? Nobody. I can have a tattoo and no one can say shit to stop me. I can drink, smoke or just plain find something to kill my body in the long run like everyone else does and nobody can stop me. Well, okay that's not something I'd do anyway but that's a benefit.

Not only that, I can eat, drink, and do whatever I fucking want in the world! Wait no, fuck that, UNIVERSE! Come to think of it, I can be with absolutely any girl I desire in the whole world and nobody has the damn authority to stop me from that! HAHA y'know what, adulthood is going to be great when I get there.

But of course, I'm not trying to be a killjoy but this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. Who knows, I may even get to the point of adulthood and still be under the complete authority of Mummy or something. That would be a laugh. BUT NO, I will be a man. More manly than any of those men they made in Mulan to defeat the Huns.

I'd hate to say it, but the older I get, everything I've said in this post just completely contradicts the fact that I want to be young again. (like 4 years old, care-free and innocent) Makes no sense doesn't it? First I said I wanted to get to adulthood, no rush and all... And now I'm saying I want to say forever young. You can call me crazy, but being a kid is just fine for me (this post just doesn't make sense anymore).

At seventeen, this is my imagination of adulthood. I know damn well I'm still a child at heart. Who isn't anyway? To conclude this post, it was fun looking towards the future and how it'd be like when I get there (although some facts stated above have already been confirmed) but I'm fine with right now. I'll live in the moment, and that's just fine by me.

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I think I'll put a time limit on myself. As of today, if there is no progress after a month or so, I'll forget it and go back to square one. It'd be stupid holding on to something that just isn't going anywhere now, wouldn't it? Progress would mean even a slight bump, a peep, I don't care, just... something from you and it would be enough for now, I guess. It does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop. I don't want to do this, but it just isn't healthy for me making no progress whatsoever. This is just so one-sided now.

all we have is what's left today.

Whenever you're in a relationship, whether you know it or not, there are things you and your significant other follow even if neither one of you discussed having to follow it with the other. I'm no expert when it comes to things like this, but I've picked up a thing or two about relationships and whatnot from friends, family and God knows where else.

Here are some things I've experienced, and was "informed" about (informed because there are things I forget to do too, I'm only human).

Never forget or neglect your responsibilities. Just because things have changed with a certain someone, does not mean everything else will change with it. Don't forget your place in your life, your friends, and your family.

Stick to one. When you're labelled as in a relationship with someone, dating or getting intimate someone else aside from that person is out of the question. Understand that they are yours and you are theirs, not in any material way, but through emotional means. If you don't want to be tied to one person, don't be in a relationship.

Respect. A person has needs, wants, likes, and dislikes and things attached to him/her. Don't diss any of them, that includes his/her friends, family, and material desires. If you want him/her, you have to be able to accept all of him/her.

Trust. A relationship cannot stand side by side together without it because it's all about trust. You can't take risks together, have believable conversations, rely on each other or even cooperate without trust.

Face the consequences. Be sure of your decisions, don't regret anything. It's all or nothing, and if you can't take it all, you can have nothing. In the Philippines, they say: "gawin mo ang gusto mo, pero panindigan mo".

Don't hide anything. Your partner is not just your lover, he/she is also your best friend. Someone you can be yourself with, tell anything and everything to, and enjoy absolutely anything with.

Don't rush things, live in the moment. Who knows what you could miss? Enjoy the little things, sometimes the ones that are overlooked are the ones that matter the most in the end of it all.

Fighting and arguments are good things. They're mistakes that are learned from and improved on, that lead to a deeper, better and stronger relationship with whoever it is you're with.

A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy. It only shows you're cared about, you're wanted, you're loved. You wouldn't be jealous if you didn't care.

Give space once in a while. Some alone time to yourself and your other is a good thing. There'll also be time to miss each other. Just because you're in a relationship with someone does not mean you have to be together every waking second of every day.

No lies. This applies for absolutely EVERYTHING. Do not under any circumstances lie, it's the worst possible thing you could do. You'd be betraying their trust, hiding the reality from them, and spitting on your respect for them, which is probably nothing because.. You lied.

Be proud. He/she is with you and no one else. Show off for all anyone cares, because you have something nobody else does, so to speak. Don't be ashamed of having something to do with them, that's just stupid.

Know the difference. They are not material things you can just have to use for yourself for your satisfaction, attention and enjoyment. They're human beings too. Don't think only about yourself.

Stay classy. You don't have to give everything to your lover, leave some things for yourself. Nothing ever goes the way we think they will, and if your lover disappears, you've got nothing.

Know your priorities. Your priorities are one of the things that should change when you get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Know which should be more important than the other.

There are more to this and that, but I have no intention on putting up the rest because I just either can't put it to words, or I just can't be fucked to bother (I don't really have much time to go online much anymore). I'd love to rant more about it but I'll continue some other time, this seems to be satisfactory for.. let's say, part 1. Have a goodnight, people.

the vibes of responsibility.

The dictionary says that responsibility is the dependability and reliability of one's own initiative or authority. It also says responsible is the capacity for moral or rational actions and thoughts.

If you were to have a mindset full of moral and rational thoughts and actions, would that make you a person full of responsibility? Does being dependable and reliable mean you are responsible?

Uncle Ben Parker from Spiderman comics says, "With great power comes great responsibility." So here's my question, what exactly does it take to be responsible? How will you know when you are responsible enough?

How reliable and dependable do you have to be? How big a capacity do you need for morals and rationality? That's something I've yet to discover.

To me, being responsible means being able to think for yourself, to take care of yourself. Just like what the dictionary's said. It's just that for some people, responsibility comes to be a very big thing, something you need a lot of.

On the other hand, some prefer less responsibilities. The problem free philosophy. To some, it's said that the lesser the responsibilities, the lesser time you spend worrying about the stunts you need to pull and more of enjoying the stunts you'll be pulling.

Then, there are the people who say the more the responsibilities, the better. Some interpret that having more responsibilities mean more importance to others. The feeling of knowing you're important is a pretty good feeling, it gives out a good vibe.

Would you give up enjoyment to be important? Or would you give up importance to enjoy life as it is? If you're that awesome, you'd probably find important and responsibilities enjoyable so who needs life huh? Hahaha.

That brings me to the conclusion that is depends on how you look at things to know what enough is for you. Everyone's got it different. What matters is if you think you're responsible enough to have certain responsibilities, then you are. It's a matter of what capacity you have in you to go the distance.

Nobody can tell you how responsible you are for something, it's a matter of whether or not you think you can handle something without burdening others or burdening yourself doing it. People can judge how responsible you are, but that's a different story.