the attraction? i dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.

I'm leaving a ladder full of reasons

Along with a line that starts to blur

Into a page that says you faded away too young.

- Go Radio.

I thought I'd be well over the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks. I thought I'd be even stronger by now. I thought I would know better and forget about all the mistakes and wrong assumptions, all the reasons and problems I went through. Instead, here I am still dwelling on all the wasted time and effort, thinking of what could've been and what is real to me.

In a span of two weeks, I've learned that everybody is just a branch for you to learn about yourself more. That everybody is literally just another path that crossed yours. Most of all, I've learned that I don't need anybody or anything apart from me, myself and I to be happy. It sounds selfish, narcissistic and biased, but it is the truth. I mean, aren't we all?

Nobody owes nobody nothin'. You owe yourself.

- Rock Balboa (III)

I see things much clearer now than I did before. Knowing everything that I know now makes me feel so disgusted at who I was before. Who I am hates who I've been, just like the song, but like someone taught me, I should just be laughing at that. It's nothing anymore since the past has passed and that at least I know how much better I've changed now.

But just because I don't need anybody or anything to be happy apart from myself, it doesn't mean I can't have anybody or anything. Someone. Something. Maybe it's just me being lonely again. You can move heaven and hell to get what you want, but if what you want, your dreams and your hopes, includes another human being, it is just plain immoral. It's not right.

In other words, you can want all you want, you can have anything you want, but you can't have everything, and you sure as hell can't make someone do the same. Do as you please, but just you. Don't include anybody else.

---

Found this in google a while ago.

I'm an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love.

love is like an ocean,

it goes down so deep.

love is like a rose,

whose beauty you want to keep.

love is like a river,

that will never end.

love is like a dove,

with a beautiful message to send.

love is like a song,

that goes on and on forever.

my love is like a prisoner,

it's to you that I surrender.

I miss you, having you around to talk to, have you around to laugh with. Most of all, I miss just being with you. Where has all this gone?

strangers.

"If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders."

I was lurking around tumblr like I usually did and I stumbled upon a photo that said that. It's been said that no matter what confusion or disagreement you may have between your heart and your mind, in the end the heart always follows the mind. Then I thought, "where is my heart right now?" and funnily enough, it was in my body pumping blood to cir- okay, just kidding. I did actually think of that though.

In my opinion, your heart is never usually with you. Have you ever noticed that every time someone mentions "your heart", your mind wanders to a certain somebody in an instant? It's either that or it wanders to the deepest pool of your desires. That's when you truly know you really want that something... Or you're just really fucking confused and insecure with your life not knowing what you really want yet. *hollow laughter*

Well, I know what I want. I've this itch to talk about what I want anyway, so let's roll with this post. I WANT... food right now. I just can't be fucked to get up and get some in the kitchen right n- okay, okay. In all seriousness, I want to make it BIG, to go sky high. Like, to infinity and beyond.

I've always wanted to be a kick-ass famous musician. I want to be that someone standing in front of thousands, wait no, to hell with that... MILLIONS chanting my name, playing a #1 single with MY band, with pyrotechnics going off in key moments of our performance, sweat and tears running through everybody's system, fog and those bright lights. The bright lights pointing to infinity and beyond.

"... That's so Bon Jovi."

HAHA. Hey, it's a dream I'm willing to go to any lengths for. A guy can dream, can't he? That's what I want, and getting there is in the palm of my hands... Just like how everything is in your hands when it comes to getting to your desires, too.

Fun fact: I want to get a tattoo that goes under my collar bone, or maybe on my forearm. I want it to say: ad infinitum. Now, that is awesome.

Okay, this post has gotten out of hand. It went from a tumblr post, to the heart, to what I want, to tattoos. This is madness.

should i've known.

'Cause the soul's rock hard but the heart's trapped underneath, and the weight of it all gives enough just to crush the best out of you and me but I swear that there's someone who cares here enough to set us free, and if the world don't turn just enough to bring her honest, then I guess we're better off forgotten.

Sometimes, the right thing to do doesn't necessarily mean it will feel right, because the most difficult thing to do is the right thing. What you want is not the right thing, and the right thing isn't what you want. In the end, you have to consider that sometimes, what you want isn't always what's right, that's why we make mistakes.

then and now.

AND I QUOTE;

"someone to think of to these songs; someone to say sweet nothings to; someone to think of before i sleep and wake up; someone to say 'i love you' to; someone to call SAYAAANNGGG; someone to tell me "everything's gonna be alright" even if everything's too fucked up; someone to be handsome for; someone to inspire you to be better; someone to give you butterflies when she's around; someone who comments on your facebook page random things just to make you laugh; someone who makes the effort to make you laugh even if you're down; someone who kisses your tears away; someone who gives a fuck about whatever you're up to even if it's useless.. someone.. just someone to be happy just being with me.. to be with me-- not just physically but emotionally.. that special someone i call mine."

the sprinkles on my donut

the whipped cream on my waffle

the cherry on my ice cream

the rainbow after my rain

the star on my every night

the cheese on my sandwich

the lyrics of my song

the syrup on my pancake

the icing on my cupcake

the picture of my album

the beat of my drum

the rhythm on my guitar

the apple of my eye

the sugar in my coffee

the jill on my hill

the law in my physics

the anatomy in my biology

the reaction in my chemistry

the spelling in my english

the equation on my math

the balance in my account

the program in my computer

the tweet on my twitter

the post on my blog

the status on my facebook

the pm on my msn

the highlight of my weekend

the day of my week

the breath in my lungs

the voice in my head

the ink on my pen

the scribble on my paper

the note in my locker

the doodle on my arm

the girl of my dreams

the smile in my happiness

the love in my life

the every waking second of my every fucking day.

---

I was reading my past posts on this blog. This is how cheesy I was years ago. 2 years ago, to be exact. I still am. I also realized just how different I think now compared to back then. It's hilarious how I get this "holy shit" reaction whenever I find something that brings back memories as to how I was back then. It's all just so different now. Then again, I'm a sucker for cheesy things up till now. Some things don't change.

---

welcome to the world, izaq.

i was small.

i was innocent.

i was mistaken for a girl, too.

i was fair.

i dressed up pretty fancy back then.

but we all grow each and every day.

then we start rebelling.

i tried cross-dressing, never worked.

young, stupid and reckless. still am.

my diabetic tendencies.

after a while, we hit puberty.

we all go through that punk stage.

there's that emo stage too.

we start seeking for freedom and excitement.

we become self conscious and corrupted along the way.

we start noticing the opposite sex too.

but we still keep growing through them all.

I've grown quite a bit haven't I? I'm not done growing yet. :)