inner light, under star.

The first day of college was pretty good. Finally getting my chance to stick around with people in my age group has done some good... and some bad throughout the day. My first impression of my class and school life 'to be' wasn't what I expected. I didn't really expect much, but it went better than I thought it would have. Everyone's got their own group of friends, while I'm the social outcast sitting around waiting for class to start and end. I don't mind, I don't have to deal with any bullshit from anyone except for my own.

I'd be lying if I said I liked my class. I found most of them fucking annoying, attention seeking, inconsiderate and exceedingly arrogant.. But who am I to judge? It's only been a day. I guess we'll see how things go after a month or so. I've got uniforms and all that already, so I guess it's time I adapt for real. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it was fucking hilarious. Aside from my instructor calling prosthetic limbs "a prostesic" and a few classmates trying so hard to speak fancy English, they've got good senses of humor. Let's see how I do after a month. :)

~~~

Okay, I'm in the mood for some cheese. Here's something I came up with as I went along with it:

I could sit around and sing songs about you and me all day. I could talk and rant about you forever and a day to anyone who'd give me a chance. The first and last thing on my mind would be all you, just wondering how you are. Thinking, if we took a different step somewhere before all this, would we have been any different than how we are now? Hoping, you'll hear my calls for you to come back. Having faith, that through all the distance standing in between, you're still somewhere out there with me on your mind, and in your heart. I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you I was fine with everything going down, but I'd be lying to myself if I told you I don't love you anymore.

I'm still on my feet, are you? I just thought you should know.

That's enough for now. Speak and be heard, fear will only hold us back.

we were just kids in love.

My first day as a college freshman starts in about 3 days. Oh man, I'm going to miss being a bum. It's actually a good thing that I won't be bumming around anymore though. It's time I started doing something productive for myself after being a genuine bum for the last 6 months. Just imagine, 6 months. Bumming around the Philippines. Just where has all the time gone?

As much as I'm going to miss bumming, I've got to start adjusting to my schedule, routines and all that starting tomorrow at least. I've got half my uniforms (Well, the pants are XL sized and they still don't fit me. Now because of that, Lola thinks the people who study there are probably pygmies) and no books or anything school related whatsoever. I just don't know how I'm going to get through the first day. I don't care though, it's just that I hate awkwardness. It disturbs me.

Aside from settling most of my business with school, I went out to have one last she-bang before I start school. I went to ATC to watch Super 8, and get a cake from DQ using gift certificates. The movie was pretty good, I enjoyed it. There were those really funny scenes, good actions sequences along with some tear jerkers. It just wasn't enough to "move" me though. Before the movie started, I looked like a complete slob having a bag of popcorn so big I had to hug it with one arm to carry it around, and a HUGE cup of iced tea bigger than my forearm.

Life's been good to me the last couple of days. Better than usual actually. That may be so but I'm taking things one step at a time, nobody's chasing me so I've no reason to rush. A new chapter of my life starts soon, I wonder what's in store..

like we used to.

HEY GUISE, I WAS LOOKING BACK AT MY PHOTOS AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

I eyepicked the ones I found interesting.

I was fuckin' skinny back then, wasn't I? Just look at that! Skin and bones!

My hair was shit long as well.

I miss Brunei.

I have this in my wallet. I miss these two batshit crazy chikas.

Say hello to the little kiddies! This dated back to December.

K THAS IT THANKS GUISE

fear is adorable.

I do whatever it takes

When I'm with you I get the shakes

My body aches when I ain't

With you I have zero strength

There's no limit on how far I would go

No boundaries, no lengths

Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks

Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same?

You want them when they don't want you

Soon as they do feelings change

It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate

I wasn't looking but I stumbled onto you must've been fate

But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take

Let's cut to the chase

But a door shuts in your face

Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open

That I won't be making a mistake

Eminem is a genius.

It's no contest or conquest. It's fate.

---

I know a couple of people in the world who think they're weak, who hold themselves back with fear. I like to think I'm not one of those people anymore, but it comes and goes sometimes. They have things they want to do, things they want to say, but they can't because they're too weak, they're not brave enough, they're afraid of getting hurt, rejected, denied. Or so they think.

Fear is a teacher, so I've learned. Whenever you let it get into your head, it only means you refuse to learn. That's what fear does, it scares you, it's fear after all isn't it? I keep telling myself: If it can't hurt you physically, then it can't kill you. So what is there to be afraid of?

Some say, "but if it doesn't go well, everything will end up awkward, and I'll die of embarrassment! I'll be so depressed and hate myself and it's..." Shut up. Really. Grow the fuck up. So what? If you're sad, then you are. If you're embarrassed, then you are. What does not doing what you want to do have to do with that?

To every action, there is always an equal and opposite reaction. It's the law. Isaac Newton's law (Hey, we have the same name!). Don't be a pussy, deal with the consequences. If it hurts, then it does. Get over it, move on. End of story!

Yes, it's easier said than done, but will you get anywhere just wallowing in fear being a vanilla? Just because there'll be negative reactions in your every action doesn't mean there won't be anything positive with it too.

So you want to learn to ride a bike; you'll fall down and get hurt trying to learn, but you'll learn eventually if you keep trying. You want to confess your undying love for someone but there's a chance you'll be hurt and rejected. So what? The chances of that happening are just as much as the chances of that NOT happening.

Take that extra step. Your decision on whether or not you do something could be the decision on whether or not you'll be happy.

Push yourself, Pull through with it, and just like that great Nike innuendo, "Just Do It." So what's stopping you now? Get out there and do what you want to do, say what you want to say, feel what you want to feel, deal with whatever happens after and move on.

No pain, no gain?

sharing the optimism.

life is going by just fine. i grow, i learn. what more is there to ask for? certain aspects in life are not exactly perfect, but who said they had to be? i'm happy right now, though i could ask for more, i'm content with the situation i'm in right now.

carpe diem; seize the day. life life to the fullest, live as if you have no regrets, as if you were going to die tomorrow. that's the plan. of course, never forget to enjoy the little things. the little things that could disappear from your reach in the blink of an eye.

the cold air that breezes by every night with the moonlight.

the warm feeling you get from doing something good.

the cherry on top of ice cream covered in hot chocolate fudge.

lazing around all afternoon with your friends talking about the stupidest things.

going up to the roof staring at the stars, thinking about how small you are in such a big world.

singing alone to the radio with feeling.

dancing by the campfire.

getting a hug.

falling in love.

enjoy the little things, it makes life all the more sweeter just like sprinkles on top of a cupcake. never think negatively too, it's very unhealthy. everybody should be happy whatever the cause because everything will be alright in the end.

optimism makes you smile when pessimism makes you frown, which would you rather have? i want to be happy, don't you? everybody does.

in the words of John O:

"we all have been degraded, we all will be the greatest."